Tired of Trying to Make Yourself a Better Person?
Some days I wake up and looking the mirror I want to turn right back around. I don’t want to see messy hair sticking out and droopy eyes not quite ready to meet the day. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, my husband’s very not-favorite hairstyle, I sit down to put on work out pants. Lacing up my shoes, I’m almost ready to teach my water fitness class.
I think to myself, “sure would be nice have a good makeover.”
Don’t you love makeovers?
We love to see the before and after pictures of a woman getting a makeover. You know the kind–the before picture shows a woman who looks I do this morning. Just her normal, everyday self.
Stylists and make up artists work their magic. The workout clothes are whisked away and thrown into the trash, never to see the light of day again. A stylish outfit completes the makeover. The everyday girl has become a princess in a matter of minutes. Okay, a few hours tops.
Tired of trying to make yourself a better person?
We all have something, some sticky spot, that just seems to nag at our spirit. It’s like those last 10 pounds you just can’t seem to lose, no matter how hard you try.
This is when I’d love to have a spiritual makeover–zip-zap, a new haircut, new clothes, and snap an ofter picture of my whole new level of spiritual victory. Presto-chango!
You want one too, right?
The difference between a spiritual makeover and transformation.
A spiritual makeover is a quick fix: read a book, make a resolution, and apply a few Bible verses. Maybe we need something more than try-hard efforts to be a better person. The person we want to be.
- Makeovers come through well-intentioned self-effort. Transformation is an unfailing work and ministry of the Holy Spirit.
- Makeovers are me trying to fix what I think needs improving. Transformation is God working at the roots of the real issues that are holding me back.
- Makeovers have temporary results that fade. Transformation keeps going from glory to glory.
- Makeovers are external and often focus on performance, appearance, or personal desires. Transformation begins in heart and mind, changing the way we think and live.
- Makeovers make better. Transformation makes new.
- Makeovers are the best work of our flesh. Transformation is God’s mercy releasing the power of Christ in our spirit.
Mirror, mirror on the wall…
What you look at is what you will see.
My kids laugh when I say this kind of thing that sounds ridiculously simple. But let’s say there are two mirrors. One is the mirror of the self-life or the flesh. Grace ministries defines the flesh like this:
When I look at myself in the self mirror, I become preoccupied with what I want. What I need. How I think life should go. What I think I should be like.
[tweetthis]Looking in the self mirror is a full-time job that leaves us ever trying but never feeling like we are enough.[/tweetthis]
God has given us another mirror–the Christ mirror that reveals the image of Christ and the glory of God. This mirror shines with mercy and the life of Christ.
When problems come along, we have a choice. Which mirror will we look at? Where will we focus? What or who will we depend on?
All of our trying, primping, fixing, and performing will never accomplish the work that only God can do.
Here’s one simple truth to embrace with all your heart:
Transformation only comes when we look in the right place, focused on the One who makes all things new. As long as we keep turning to ourselves we will not see or experience what God wants to accomplish.
[tweetthis]Transformation is an unfailing work and ministry of the Holy Spirit.[/tweetthis]
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18 NASB
Who are you focused on today?
This material is from my newest retreat topic: Diamonds in the Rough.
Also from this retreat is Do You Struggle With Confidence?
Loving Holley Gerth’s Newest Book: Do You Know You’re Already Amazing?
Disclosure notice: I received a free book in exchange for my honest review.
Some books reach into your heart, pressing on tender spots tucked out of sight. Currently, I’m reading a brand new devotional from one of my favorite authors, Holley Gerth. As I read, I find myself each chapter. It’s just a tad bit unnerving…
Do You Know You’re Already Amazing: 30 Truths to Set Your Heart Free, is Holley’s devotional companion to You’re Already Amazing. For several years, I’ve had the Already Amazing DayBrightener Perpetual Calendar on my desk, a source of daily encouragement. I’ve found myself quoting Holley’s book many times. In fact, you may remember this meme, which has been one of my most popular graphics.
I wondered if the devotional would be a rehash of familiar material. It’s not. The devotional centers around 30 truths to set our hearts free from common lies we believe. This is where I find myself in each chapter. Filled with reminders of truths that really do set my heart free, Holley tackles struggles I’ve faced many times.
Truth to embrace with your whole heart.
Here are a few of the truths that have been good reminders for me:
- You’re not in visible
- You don’t need to do it all
- You’re not defined by a man
- You’re enough as you are
- You belong
- You can trust god’s timing
- You can let go without giving up
When circumstances are challenging, our emotions often listen hard to the lies of the enemy. You’re not good enough, God has forgotten you, you’re too old for God to use you are a few of the lies that have crept into my heart in recent weeks. And though my mind knows God sees me and I don’t have to do it all, my feelings often shout a different story. [tweetthis]Remembering truth lightens our loads and strengthens our faith.[/tweetthis]
In a recent video, Holley shares, “The purpose of the lies our hearts hear is to hold us back from who we’re created to be and what we’re called to do…. The attacks on our lives are more about who the enemy believes we can become than who we are right now.”
Seamlessly weaving story and biblical example, Holley shares insights based on women in the Bible. Each devotion ends with engaging prompts to identify and release the lies that keep us from living fully in joy and freedom. This is soul work that we all need to do from time to time.
Truth to savor.
Holley gently encourages with fresh perspective and engaging story. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
“We don’t have to find our divine destiny someday, somewhere. We are all called “for such a time as this” to such a place as right here” (p.49).
“Whether in this life or the next, he promises to tenderly, powerfully transform our stories in ways beyond what we may even have dared to hope” (p.126).
“We are also works of art… And the work of art in the hands of its creator doesn’t strive; it receives. It yields to the process not if doing but I’ll be coming. It lets itself be filled with a glory not its own” (p.225).
If you enjoy my topics and content on this blog, you’ll love Do You Know You’re Already Amazing?
*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my review.
I’m linking up with fabulous bloggers at Holley Gerth’s Coffee For Your Heart.
Do You Struggle With Confidence?
I had just finished speaking to a group of women. Someone from the back of the room walked toward me, “You look so young from the back of the room.”
“How nice,” I thought.
“But now that I’m close to you, I can see you’re pretty old.”
Oh.
What do you say to that? Thank you?
We’ve all received back-handed compliments, put downs, or criticism. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve had moments of glory.
And moments we’ve fallen on our faces.
Do you struggle confidence?
I do. Maybe I’m not supposed to admit it.
In the world’s eyes, confidence is a basic staple in the pantry of our personality. We spend a great deal of time building confidence, learning skills, improving our looks, and proving we’ve got what it takes.
I can do this is the mantra of this world shouting long and loud for all to hear.
In our personal world, there’s always someone who can tell you what you should have done better. We compare ourselves to others, and there is always someone younger, smarter, thinner, prettier…
You know the drill all to well, right?
How many of us feel shame that we struggle with confidence? As if it is the cosmic no-no on the stage of a successful and fulfilling life.
We are constantly bombarded with the images, standards, an expectations of what we should look like and what we should be able to accomplish. And yet, one of the deep struggles of every soul is this: Am I enough?
Every single soul. Not one of us is exempt from the accusations that whisper in the dark, “You’ll never be ____.”
Remember the commercial for Enjoli perfume? The woman who could bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan… This woman has become an icon of the confident woman who can do it all and never break a sweat.
Confidence doesn’t come just for the asking.
We cannot simply will ourselves to be confident. Unlike Dorothy and her glittery red slippers, we cannot click our heels and repeat, “I am confident” three times and will ourselves to be confident.
We cannot chase inadequacy away with better performance and enhanced looks. For here is the trap–how much is enough? How many affirmations and successes will fill the questions of our souls?
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#confidence #youareenough”]Confidence is built on the foundation adequacy.[/tweetthis]
Long ago, the serpent asked the first woman, “did God really say you shall not eat of any tree in the garden?” And thus began our struggle with confidence and adequacy.
You may wonder how I’ve jumped from conversations with the serpent to a basic human struggle with adequacy. The serpent went on to say, “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:5).
And there it is, the great lie:
We can be like God.
We can be like God becomes the expectation that we should be like God.
And we’re not.
Why do we struggle with confidence?
As soon as Adam and Eve ate the apple, their eyes were opened to their nakedness. Instead of discovering the wonder of being like God, they found the shame of nakedness exposed. Rather than running with confidence, they cowered and hid their flaws.
The struggle for confidence and adequacy comes from looking to ourselves rather than looking to God. Appearance and performance becomes definitive of who we are. Before the fall, Adam named his mate woman–calling her by her identity, who she was (Genesis 2:23). After the fall, Adam calls her Eve because she is a mother. He names her by what she does, rather than who she is (Genesis 3:20).
The struggle with confidence and adequacy comes when we loose sight of who we are and measure our worth by what we do.
Where do we find true confidence?
“Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (2 Corinthians 3:4-6).
My adequacy is from God.
Your adequacy is from God.
This is a powerful truth that silences the squabbling our our souls. When our confidence and adequacy come from God, we find freedom to fully become the people God created us to be.
So often we struggle, trying to have confidence in ourselves by seeking the affirmations of others and the successful performance.
It will never work. We might feel good for a time, but true confidence cannot come from the approval of others or good results from your work.
Confidence is a gift from God.
So you can stop inspecting yourself. You can combat the negative thinking that says, “I’m not enough.”
Inspecting ourselves and fixing our flaws cannot satisfy the need of our souls to feel adequate.
[tweetthis]Confidence is a gift from God, released when we let go of the expectation that we should be enough. [/tweetthis] Letting go of the lie leaves our hearts open to receive what only God can give: true adequacy that makes us fit and equips us with power to do everything He gives us to do.
“For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us]” (Ephesians 2:10 AMP).
How has the struggle for confidence impacted you lately?
Want more truth to find your confidence in God? Get my free ebook Devotions and Scriptures to Combat Negative Thinking when you sign up for my emails. Click here to sign up.
Learn more about how God is making you holy and whole as you live out of your identity in Christ in Holy in the Moment. Strength for your soul and encouragment for you heart as you trust God moment by moment.
I Can Stop Worrying About the Impact of Moving on My Kids
As a mom, I’ve honed the art of worrying about my kids. Twenty-three years of parenting and seven military moves have provided ample opportunity to raise my worry-skills to expert level. I’m not saying I’m proud of this–I’m simply confessing worry was my go-to emotion for parenting through the frequent transitions of military life.
[tweetthis]Worrying about how military moves were impacting my kids was not helpful.[/tweetthis]
For many, handling separations of deployments and getting settled in new duty stations are at the top of our list of military life challenges. Our kids would probably agree.
Belonging is important for the military family.
“Belong” can be a tough word for military families, frequently moving from one duty station to another. Military kids often struggle to answer the question, “Where are you from?”
Change seems to be the constant of our lives. The uprooting of belonging was hard for me as an adult; what was it doing to my kids? As a mom, I often worried about the impact change and transition would have on my children.
The day I had to physically pull my 7-year-old daughter apart from her first best friend, I fought back tears thinking, my heart is going to fall out, right here on the front porch.
Red-faced with hot tears streaming, my daughter sobbed, “Don’t make me leave, Mommy. Why can’t Rachel come with us? We belong together.”
So painful, this first experience of a child now old enough to understand the security of belonging. I worried about the impact this would have on her tender young heart.
Transitions are challenging for kids.
For the military family, belonging includes a new address every few years. It can be hard to let go of belonging when the moving truck is packed, the orders are stamped, and it is time to leave.
Belonging.
Not belonging…yet.
Belonging again.
This is the life rhythm that our family has gotten used to. Yet as hard as it is to embrace change and risk belonging, we are all the richer for it. [tweetthis twitter_handles=”@GingHarrington” hidden_hashtags=”#milfamily #militarymoves”]Worry accomplished nothing except make the hard moments harder.[/tweetthis]
Although transitions can be hard, moving has many positive benefits over time. Here are just a few of the good things military moves have given my children.
They have learned friends are found everywhere God sends us.
They have gone to amazing places and done really cool things.
They can unpack and organize their room by themselves.
They know the strong bond of belonging to our family is not tied to a particular address. This benefit of military life has made our family stronger and closer.
Siblings become friends through the transitions of military life.
They have enjoyed the value of friends, yet each one has developed an independence and strength born of experiencing God’s faithfulness in many transitions
For more on this, come visit us at PlantingRoots.net!
How Do You Find Peace?
Will you celebrate with me? I’m excited to share my recent article published in the August issue of Refresh Bible Study Magazine! (p. 28) Here’s a picture of the lead page of the article. I love sharing some of my water photos and reflecting on one of my favorite topics. Step out of the busy for a moment and refresh your soul as we talk about how to find peace. (This older post sparked a 2025 series. Catch our updated content here.)
After all, we can all use a little (or a lot) more peace.
How do you find peace?
The sun sets, painting the sky vivid with color. Sitting on a dock, I dangle my feet in the water. My gentle movements disturb the glass-like surface, which echoes the wonder of the sky. For the first time all day, this is a moment to savor solitude.
To be honest, this has been a day wound tight with tension, setting my nerves on edge. Sprinting through the hours, “get it done, get it done” is the rant of my racing thoughts. Commitments, schedules, and assignments pile high with the pressure of too many unfinished tasks. The beauty of the evening cannot completely squelch the nagging worry and frustration of troubling situations.
Serene surroundings are not the same as truly experiencing the fruit of peace. And though I relish tranquility as the sun lingers near the water’s edge, I know there is only one genuine source of peace.
Still, there’s a part of me that searches for peace in the sunsets and calm waters of life, but this moment is for remembering peace isn’t something to find.
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you” (John 14:27 NASB).
Peace is a gift rather than an achievement.
In this verse we discover peace is a gift rather than an achievement. My peace (the peace of God) I give to you. Wrapped up tight in this Christ-peace is His power. His trustworthiness.
Because Christ is peace and He is with us, our hearts can rest from efforts to create a fleeting version of harmony. Trusting Christ within, we can experience the peace He gives, this sweet fruit of His Spirit dwelling within. Dipping my toes in the water, I set aside all my efforts of the day.
Peace is not the result of my trying to do it all right and get it all done.
Breathing deeply, I remind myself peace is a fruit of His present Spirit, not the result of my trying to do it all right and get it all done. Silently, I count the treasures of His presence: “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” (Galatians 5:22 NASB).
In today’s world, stress has become our normal condition.
Our culture has many formulas for peace, or at least lots of ways to make us feel better. Try this, do that, buy this entice advertisements. The world’s false peace shimmers on the horizon, visible, but always out of reach.
Perfect peace has everything to do with what’s going on in our minds. Isn’t it interesting that the content of our thoughts relates to the condition of our peace? Too often, we fall into that old habit of equating peace with sunsets and the absence of problems.
The steady mind.
The steadfast mind–this is the condition, the mental posture that enables us to receive the peace of Christ. We often think of steadfast as meaning strong and steady, but surprisingly, the Hebrew meaning of this word means to lean upon or take hold of.[i] On days marked by stress, conflict, or fear, it is tempting to pursue peace through our own efforts. Gritting our teeth, we strive to calm the nerves, settle the argument, or solve the problem.
Leaning on God, we can depend on Him to provide the mental focus we so often lack. It is the turning, the depending on God that opens the door to receive the soul peace He offers.
This is the soul-habit I long to nourish.
I hope read the rest of the article in Refresh Bible Study Magazine p. 28. More than that, I pray God will give you the power of his perfect peace right in the midst of whatever you are experiencing at this moment.
How do you find peace?
New Peace Resource for You
If this post speaks to your heart about finding peace, you’ll love the new Habits of Peace Series on the Habits of Hope Podcast!
It’s a refreshing, hope-filled journey into what it means to live with calm and confidence in Christ—right in the middle of life’s chaos.
🎧 Catch the new series below.
✨ Less pressure. More peace. One habit at a time.
Habits of Peace Episodes
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- 40.Need a Little Peace? A Simple Habit to Notice When Peace is Missing
- 41.How to Pursue Peace God’s Way: A Simple Habit to Calm Your Soul
- 42.Peace is a Person: How to Embrace Calm in the Presence of Christ
- 43.How to Find Perfect Peace When You Feel Stressed (Isaiah 26:3)
- 44.One Peaceful Habit to Respond with Grace When You’re Angry
- 45.How to Let Go of Control and Let Peace Rule in Your Heart
- 46.Peacemaker vs Peacekeeper? How Jesus Calls Us to Respond to Conflict
- 47.Why Do I Keep Losing My Peace-Even When I’m Trying to Trust God?
- 48.How to Feed Your Soul and Grow Lasting Peace (Galatians 5:22)
- 49. Live in the Overflow: How to Experience God’s Peace Every Day (Romans 15:13)
[i] https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=H5564&t=KJV
Timely Interruptions–Is There Such a Thing?
Timely Interruptions – Is there such a thing?
A guest post from Cynthia Thomas
Interruptions are inevitable.
I plan to sleep from 11 – 7; my baby doesn’t.
I plan to get to the mall in 20 minutes; traffic does not.
I plan to spend 30 minutes doing Bible study; oh forget it, the phone, the husband; the next-door neighbor is not cooperating with my time agenda.
And that’s just the daily planner. What about the weekly goals, yearly goals, benchmarks of time that keep me on course to succeed in life? The problem with planning is that it gets waylaid by life.
So how do we deal with time setbacks, whether big or small?
I remember quite clearly my kids crying out my name in the middle of the night and my first cognizant thought: “Oh great. Maybe they’ll get tired of calling and go back to sleep.” Of course, when that didn’t happen, I had a choice.
By the time I got wise enough to know it was better to respond early – before they could get worked up – I learned an important lesson about myself.
I would do the right thing, but I would resent it.
The battle was not with the interruption (that was an immutable fact); the battle was how I was going to handle my loss of control over “my time.”
I would like to say I learned early on to just start praying, but it didn’t happen that easily. I rather enjoyed being put out, I guess. It helped feed my justification for sleeping later, showering less, getting nothing done. The problem with losing control of your time is that it’s easier not to fight.
And by fight, I mean give it, rather than have it taken from you.
[tweetthis]Recognize when interruptions are a spiritual battle.[/tweetthis]
As Christians, our battle is not an enemy who assaults us with weapons that we recognize and conquer (with our own strength). No, our insidious foe robs our time and good intentions with interruptions and busyness and feelings that we should not be bothered by these minor irritations. So we never see that we’re in the battle.
What we end up fighting and losing is the daily sense of peace and prosperity that God wants His children to have.
We can conquer this enemy on the field of our mind. We can ask God to help us “give” our desire for sleep or quiet time or commuting time to Him. Hebrews 13:15 says, “let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God.”
Sacrifice of praise does not sound like too hard of a thing – until you give it when you’re lying on your bed dreading getting out of it. “God, I praise you for giving me children. I praise you for letting them need me. I praise you that I have breath and health to get up and help meet their needs.”
Or how about when your husband asks, “Honey, can you iron this shirt for me? I have a meeting today.”
Praise can respond like this, “God, I praise you that my husband has a job. I praise you that I can help him look his best today…” Well, you get the picture.
[tweetthis]How to handle interruptions with grace.[/tweetthis]
What you do with the interruptions of your life says a lot about who you believe to be in ultimate control of your time. The quicker you turn it into a prayer – before you get all bent out of shape – the better YOU will feel.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Thessalonians 5: 16 – 18
About Cynthia:
Author of Confessions of a Strong-Willed Wife, Cynthia (Makarczyk) Thomas joined the Army as a photojournalist in 1985 to see the world. Hearing the gospel message in bootcamp, she gave her life to Christ, got married and soon found herself traipsing after her husband and two kids. Cynthia blogs about faith and gardening at www.cynthiaczthomas.com.
9 Good Reasons Why It’s Okay to Cry When You Leave Your Child at College
The day you drop your child off at college can feel like stepping into another world—one where your heart swells with pride and aches with loss all at the same time. You’ve packed the car, moved boxes into a tiny dorm room, and hugged your student goodbye. Then, as you walk away, the tears come. And that’s okay. Crying when dropping your child off at college isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of love, change, and the deep connection you’ve built over years. In this reflective post I share empty nest mom emotions with these nine reasons will help you understand why your tears are not only natural but also part of a healthy emotional transition when kids go to college or leave home.
I look over my desk, littered with photos and snippets of colored paper. Smiling flat faces peer at me from glossy photos, one dimensional images of 3-d moments filled with life. I’m trying to finish a scrapbook for my daughter before she leaves for college. Mom confession here, my goal was to have it ready for her high school graduation.
Didn’t happen.
I wonder why I have procrastinated finishing this gift for my girl.
Recognizing My Feelings about My Child Leaving for College
Sunlight streams in the window as understanding dawns. Tucked behind good intentions and worthy goals is that part of my heart that doesn’t want to let go. There have been many goodbyes this year. In January, one daughter left for two years in Australia. A few days ago our son came home for a quick visit before loading up to move away to grad school.
Ah-ha moment: I have put off completing this task because it is a marker of the end of days of children living at home. I have a lot more empty nest mom emotions about her leaving for college than I realized!
These photos are reminders of years flown by too fast. Tangible proof that life as I know it is changing.
Letting Go Is Hard: Why This Milestone Hurts More Than You Expect
This may seem silly, but empty nest mom emotions don’t always make sense. For the first time in twenty-two years, I won’t take a first-day-of-school picture. The one with the new shoes and smiling faces full of excitement for a new year.
Tomorrow we’ll load the car and move our youngest to college. After meeting the roommate, we’ll help unpack, run to the store for forgotten items, give last bits of advice, take lots of pictures, and hug good bye.
We won’t want to let go, but we will.
Will tears flow? Not sure, but if today is any indication, there will probably be a few.
Or a lot.
Crying when dropping your child off at college is an emotional moment for parents, and it’s okay to shed those tears.
9 Good Reasons It’s Okay to Cry When You Take Your Child to College.
To my children, scattered far and wide, here’s a look at why it’s hard to say goodbye when you leave.
- Even though you are taller than we are now, it’s hard to believe you’ve grown up so fast. Taking you to college is stepping into that reality. No longer is “going to college” some vague mist of an idea far off in the future. The future is now. We’ve known your move in date for months, but what the head knows doesn’t always translate to the heart.
- The house will feel different now. The sounds, activities, and energy will change. At first, we’ll balk at the empty echo in the house, much like how sound changes when you take a carpet out of a room. For a little while, that hollow sound will have a feeling that sits uneasy on our hearts. We won’t like the empty place at the table and the unused smell in your room. We will adjust and life is still very good, but it will take some time let go.
- This is the beginning of a new season that will catapult you into your own life as an adult. In just a short time home will be a place you visit rather than live. That’s a hard thought for a mom to get used to. And dads.
- You won’t be part of our daily life anymore. Phone calls are good, and social media is nice, but it isn’t the same as sharing life face to face. The main part of your life won’t include our daily presence. This is as it should be, but it’s still an emotional hurdle to leap.
- We love you and will miss your beautiful smile and all the special things that make you, you. You are a joy in our lives and in some ways, we’ve come to depend on you, comfortable in our roll as moms. Though we have our own lives, mom has become both a roll and an identity. As we open our hearts to let you go, we have some new growing to do ourselves.
- We are proud of you. Some of these tears are excitement for the new friends and experiences you will have. The new things you’ll learn. We will watch from afar as you gain confidence and knowledge as you prepare for your future. You’ll l come home for Christmas, exhausted from exams. As you unload a car full of dirty laundry, you will walk in the house with a new maturity.
- We know we won’t be there on the days when you’re lonely or discouraged. We know you will learn to navigate problems and challenges, but sometimes this will be a struggle. This is a necessary part of growing up, but we don’t want you to have to face the hard days on your own. We want to be there to encourage you and cheer you on.
- We’ll have to get used to going to sleep without knowing you’re safely tucked in your bed at home. We’re moms and we’ve mastered the art of worrying. For so long, we’ve slept lightly, or stayed awake until you’re home.
- For parents, leaving for college feels like an ending before it feels like a beginning. We know you’re ready, but we’re not quite sure how to let you go. We’ll have to figure that out step by step over the next few months.
Saying goodbye at college move-in is more than a single emotional moment—it’s the beginning of a new chapter for both you and your child. Your tears are proof of the love you’ve poured into raising them, the memories you’ve built, and the prayers you’ve prayed. They mark the shift from daily parenting to cheering them on from a little farther away.
So let yourself feel it. Lean into the grief, the pride, and the hope. Trust that God is in this season too—guiding your child’s steps and gently leading your own. And remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Every parent who’s walked this road knows that those tears don’t mean you’re letting go of love—they mean love is growing, changing, and stretching into something new.
What helped you the most when saying goodbye to your child at college? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.
Oh, and one more thing what can make a parent cry when kids head to college–the college tuition bill!
What makes you emotional when your kid’s leave for college?
Related Podcasts and Posts:
- How to Live with Hope in Transition and Change
- Powerful Truth Gives Direction For Our Children
- Letting Them Go: Faith Prayers For Our Children
- Getting Ready For College: Don’t Let Worries Rob You of Joy
Three Things I Learned From Depression
A guest post from Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Some families are blessed with the genetic predisposition for blond hair and blue eyed babies, others are blessed with the predisposition for multiple births, others seem to perpetuate an artistic bent or an engineering mind. My family seemed to get the predisposition for anxiety on one side of the family and depression on the other side of the family. My mother endured throughout my childhood years, I just didn’t have a label for it—I just thought that was my mother. My grandmother and aunt suffered with it as well. I didn’t escape its torment either. And that’s just one side of the family.
Depression. It’s a cruel invisible disease—one that we can’t see but can have devastating effects that hurt not just those who suffer but their families and future generations as well.
As a neuropsychologist, I diagnose and treat patients in my office every week who suffer from the devastating effects of this invisible yet heart-wrenching condition and my heart goes out to them because I know the pain they face. I’ve been there. I remember the despair. I remember wondering if it wouldn’t be better just not to be…
Yet I am so grateful that God does give beauty for ashes, and the oil of gladness for mourning (Isaiah 61). And while I would never have voluntarily chosen for this to have been part of my ministry, I am honored to be able to use part of such a dark time in my life to be a light to others’ darkness. What I wanted more than anything during those dark days was for someone to come along side me, hold my hand, look into my eyes, and say “me too!” What a difference that makes.
While I hope I never see such dark days again, I learned several things along the journey that I hope will bring comfort to others as well.
I believe whether we are dealing with the blues, clinical depression, a concussion, or dementia, we must choose to seek after Him and His answers with our whole heart. He says to cast ALL our cares on Him – not just when things are so bad we can’t handle them on our own.
“casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7).
God doesn’t inflict pain on His children to hurt us. But He can use our trials to build our faith, draw us closer to Him, and give us a testimony of His faithfulness for others to see.
In my darkest times, desperation drew me closest to Him. Desperation made me willing. I see this same dynamic in my patients and in others as well. In “Secrets of the Secret Place,” Bob Sorge says, “While none of us asks God for hardship, we can’t deny the fact that hardship produces desperation, which in turn produces intense intimacy…The wise will seek Him with desperate longing.”
Scripture says we need faith only the size of a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20), and what’s more, Romans 12:3 tells us that God has given each of us a measure of faith. It’s His gift to us. Yet we can choose what to do with it.
There will always be things competing for our attention and our beliefs. We must choose whom we will serve, what we will pay attention to, and what we will believe.
When I was deep in the valley of depression, I was quick to believe the lies of the enemy, who Scripture refers to as “the accuser of the brethren.” He delighted in repeatedly telling me I wasn’t as good as others, I was unworthy of a life of joy, I didn’t have enough faith, and I was destined to always feel that way. Maybe you’ve heard those same lies too.
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#HopePrevails, #Depression”]As long as I listened to the lies of the enemy, I let depression define me.[/tweetthis]
As long as I listened to the lies of the enemy, I ignored what God had already said about me.
Yet God was faithful to remind me that:
Depression doesn’t determine our worth-HE did when Christ died on the cross for us.
Depression doesn’t dictate our destiny-when we become Christ followers and receive Him into our lives as Savior, that secures our destiny.
Nothing, not even depression, can separate us from His love.
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#hopePrevails, #Depression”]Depression doesn’t dictate our destiny.[/tweetthis]
Once I began to recognize the enemy’s lies operating in my thoughts, my circumstances may not have changed but I could exercise greater gratitude for the truth: Depression didn’t define me, God did. God declared me redeemed, beloved, esteemed, renewed, adored, and healed. Knowing that and believing that brought inner joy despite the sorrow of my circumstances.
I have seen God heal people of conditions instantaneously. Other times it’s a process. Sometimes he heals through prayer and laying on of hands or anointing of oil. Other times it’s through medicine, counseling, or the daily renewing and transforming of our minds. Yet God always desires for us to seek Him in all our ways and let Him direct our paths. In my darkest days I clung to the promise in James 4: 8 “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” That’s how we grow closer to Him, and He gets all the glory.
The truth is, I think situations, like depression, often drive us to a strengthening of our faith and a richer testimony of His faithfulness. And in that, there is beauty for ashes.
Have you ever gone through such trials that made you desperate? Trials that strengthened your faith? Hold on to truth!
Because of Him, #HopePrevails
In Hope Prevails, Dr. Bengtson writes with deep compassion and empathy, blending her extensive training and faith, to offer readers a hope that is grounded in God’s love and grace. She helps readers understand what depression is, how it affects them spiritually, and what, by God’s grace, it cannot do. The result is a treatment plan that addresses the whole person—not just chemical imbalances in the brain.~~
Author, speaker and board certified clinical neuropsychologist, Dr. Michelle Bengtson is also a wife, mother and friend. She knows pain and despair firsthand and combines her professional expertise and personal experience with her faith to address issues surrounding medical and mental disorders, both for those who suffer and for those who care for them. She offers sound practical tools, affirms worth, and encourages faith. Dr. Michelle Bengtson offers hope as a key to unlock joy and relief—even in the middle of the storm. She blogs regularly on her own site: http://www.DrMichelleBengtson.com Dr. Bengtson’s book “Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression” (Revell publishers, August 16, 2016) is available for purchase now: http://drmichellebengtson.com/hope-prevails-book/
For more hope, stay connected with her at:
To order Hope Prevails: http://drmichellebengtson.com/hope-prevails-book/
Website: http://www.DrMichelleBengtson.com
Blog: http://drmichellebengtson.com/category/blog/
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/drmichellebengtson
Wear Your Jersey: 12 Practical Ways to Show God’s Love This Summer
Summer days are slipping by quickly, aren’t they?
Today I am delighted to share with you a guest post from my friend Katy Kauffman. Katy has been a true encourager in my writing journey. Her friendship, support, and wisdom have been a special gift. The picture below is from the contest awards banquet at Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference in May. Congratulations to Katy for winning the Selah award for her Bible study, Faith, Courage, and Victory. I’m holding Foundation awards for online article (1st) and non-fiction book (3rd). I’m thankful for Katy’s editing help with my non-fiction book!
Wear Your Jersey
I loved playing scrimmage games with my church’s basketball team in high school. Some of the moms joined in as well, and it was fun seeing them block players and trying to make shots. The tough part was remembering who NOT to pass the ball to, since we all were wearing street clothes. That problem was easily fixed, however, come game time.
Just as the members of a team wear the same colored jerseys to identify whose team they’re on, the members of Christ’s “team”—the Church—wear the same jersey of love.
[tweetthis hidden_urls=”#loveoneanother”]“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35 NKJV[/tweetthis]
The identifying mark of a true believer in Christ is love. Giving love, selfless love, the kind of love that Jesus Himself gives out. If we learn from Jesus, if we’re His disciples, we will learn to love like He does. And oh, the world needs this kind of love!
Wars, heartache, the misery and pain that sin causes—these are the results of a world that lives apart from God’s love. As members of the church, let’s walk in this world as a healing balm, as a light that pierces the darkness, as a team of believers whose mission is to share the love and truth of God with those who desperately need it.
Here are a dozen practical ways that we can show God’s love to one another this summer:
- Invite a family to church, especially to a special event, and sit together. Go to lunch or go for ice cream afterwards.
- Take notice of the clerks in your local grocery store, and ask them how their day is going.
- If a waiter or waitress is having a stressful day, show kindness by asking how you can pray for them and leave a generous tip.
- React kindly when you could react harshly. This will get people’s attention! It will make them wonder why you weren’t mean even if it would have been justified, and it will give grace to the recipient.
- Start a Vacation Bible School for kids in your neighborhood, and give your own children jobs to do during the week. See if other parents want to help organize one.
- Ask your church’s pastoral care minister (or the church secretary) if you can visit someone in the hospital or make food and take it to someone’s house.
- Ask someone in your church’s youth ministry if they need volunteers for special events. You’re likely to have as much fun as the kids do.
- Look for ways to verbally share the gospel. We can live out the love of God every day, but He also wants us to be ready to say the words that will minister to someone’s soul and lead them to faith in Christ. Someone said the words to us!
- Participate on a short term mission trip. Pray about opportunities that your church provides, and go where God sends you.
- Restart that hobby that you put aside during the school year, and make crafty things for shut-ins or people precious to your family. If you have children, get them involved in making crafts!
- Pray, pray, pray. Listen to people’s prayer requests, and write them down. Or if the prayer need is urgent, pray on the spot with them. Take time each day to pray for others’ concerns.
- Do something special for your family members that tells them you’re thinking of them. Put candy in their shoes, notes on their pillows, or take them out for an excursion. The ones who are closest to us need to know they’re loved, too.
What are some practical ways that you like to show the love of Christ? Tell us in the comments below, and remember how much God loves you. That kind of love we can’t keep secret. I’m putting on my jersey today. Are you wearing yours?
Katy Kauffman is a co-founder of Lighthouse Bible Studies, a ministry which seeks to connect people to God through His Word. She has taught the Bible to women and teens, and has two published Bible studies for women, 2 Timothy: Winning the Victory and Faith, Courage, and Victory. Her heart’s desire is for people to know and love God, understand the richness of His Word, and fulfill His plan for their lives. Katy is also an editor and the designer of Refresh Bible Study Magazine. You can connect with her at her blog, Life with God, and on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
