How to Stop Letting Your Work Define Your Worth (A Biblical Perspective)
In a world that measures success through metrics, results, and productivity, it’s easy for our work to start defining our worth. When work begins to define your worth, it creates pressure that God never intended you to carry.
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We track numbers.
We measure progress.
We evaluate whether what we’re doing is making an impact.
And somewhere along the way, a subtle pressure creeps in—the pressure to prove ourselves.
We may not say it out loud, but the question begins to linger beneath the surface:
Am I doing enough?
For many of us, work quietly becomes a place where we look for validation, identity, and reassurance that we matter.
But Scripture offers a different order.
Not work before worth.
Worth before work.
Understanding that order changes everything about how we approach our calling, our productivity, and the results we’re striving to achieve. When we stop letting our work define our worth, we begin to experience the freedom Scripture offers.
When Does Work Begin to Define Your Worth?
Most of us don’t set out to tie our identity to our work. It happens gradually.
A project succeeds and we feel valuable.
A goal falls short and we feel discouraged.
A season is productive and we feel confident.
A season is slow and we start questioning ourselves.
Without realizing it, identity and productivity become intertwined.
Sometimes we begin asking our work to answer identity questions it was never meant to answer.
Work can express our gifts. It can reflect our calling. It can be a place of stewardship and service.
But it was never designed to tell us who we are.
When it does, every outcome becomes personal. Every result becomes a verdict on our value.
And that’s a burden God never intended us to carry.
Why Do We Feel Pressure to Prove Ourselves Through Work?
Most people don’t consciously decide to measure their worth by their work. The pressure builds slowly through cultural expectations and internal comparisons.
We live in a world that celebrates outcomes.
Productivity is praised.
Results are rewarded.
Visibility is often equated with value.
Over time, it becomes easy to assume that our work is what makes us valuable.
But Scripture points us back to a different foundation. Our worth is not earned through productivity. It is received through relationship with Christ.
When we forget that truth, work becomes exhausting. But when we remember it, work becomes an opportunity to serve from a place of security instead of striving for approval.
What Is the Difference Between Working For Your Worth and Working From It?
One of the easiest ways to recognize whether we’re working for our worth or from it is by listening to our internal language.
When our identity feels unsettled, our thoughts often sound like this:
“I have to make this work.”
“I have to prove myself.”
“I have to get results.”
But when our identity is rooted in Christ, something shifts. The language changes.
“I get to do this work.”
“I get to serve.”
“I get to steward what God has given me.”
“I have to” is the language of insecurity.
“I get to” is the language of identity.
This small shift reveals something deeper about what we believe.
Working for our worth means we’re trying to earn validation through what we produce.
Working from our worth means our identity is already settled, and our work becomes an expression of gratitude, stewardship, and calling.
The work itself may look the same. But the heart behind it is completely different.
Why Identity in Christ Changes the Way We Approach Work
One of the clearest examples of this order appears at the very beginning of Jesus’ public ministry.
In Matthew 3:17, at Jesus’ baptism, the Father declares: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
What’s striking about this moment is when it happens.
Jesus had not yet begun His ministry.
He had not performed miracles.
He had not preached sermons or gathered disciples.
Yet the Father speaks identity first.
Beloved before performance.
Worth before work.
This order matters.
Before the assignment comes the affirmation. Before the ministry comes the identity. And the same principle applies to us.
Our worth is not established by our productivity.
It is established by our relationship with Christ.
When we understand that, work stops being a place where we chase approval and becomes a place where we live out the identity we’ve already received.
Your work can express your worth, but it should never determine it.
What Changes When Our Identity Is Secure in Christ?
When our identity is secure, the entire posture of our work changes.
We still pursue excellence.
We still care about the work we’ve been given.
We still want to steward our gifts well.
But the pressure to prove ourselves begins to fade.
Instead of striving for validation, we begin working with freedom.
Failure becomes information rather than identity.
Success becomes gratitude rather than proof.
Faithfulness becomes the measure of a life well lived.
When identity is secure, work no longer carries the burden of defining who we are.
How Do We Trust God With the Results of Our Work?
Another place where we easily confuse worth and work is in how we think about results.
We assume outcomes belong to us.
If something succeeds, we take responsibility.
If something fails, we feel personally responsible.
But Scripture gives us a very different framework.
In 1 Corinthians 3:6, Paul writes: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.”
Paul understood something essential about stewardship.
Our role is participation.
God’s role is multiplication.
We plant.
We water.
God brings the growth.
Faithfulness is our role. Increase belongs to God.
When we confuse these roles, work becomes heavy. We start carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be ours. But when we return the increase to God, work becomes lighter.
We focus on what we’ve been asked to do and trust Him with what only He can accomplish.
Learning to trust God with the results of our work frees us to focus on faithfulness rather than outcomes.
How Do We Release the Results to God?
Jesus speaks directly to this burden in Matthew 11:28–30:
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Notice that Jesus does not promise the absence of work. He promises a different way of carrying it. An easy yoke means we are working alongside Him rather than striving on our own.
Dallas Willard reflected on this idea in Living in Christ’s Presence: Final Words on Heaven and the Kingdom of God. (affiliate link) He described how we often carry the results of our work long after our part is finished.
To illustrate this, Willard used the example of bowling: When you roll a bowling ball down the lane, there is a moment when the ball leaves your hand. After that point, the outcome is no longer in your control.
You cannot run down the lane and steer the ball.
You cannot adjust it mid-roll.
Your role ended the moment you released it.
Yet spiritually, many of us continue trying to control the outcome long after our work is finished.
We replay conversations.
We analyze results.
We try to mentally steer what has already been released.
But faithful work requires a moment of release.
We do our part.
Then we let go.
Just like the bowling ball leaving your hand. Once the work has been offered, the outcome belongs to God.
When our worth is settled, excellence becomes worship. Instead of striving to prove ourselves, our work becomes something beautiful—an offering placed in God’s hands.
Returning to the Right Order
If you’ve ever felt the pressure to prove your value through what you produce, you’re not alone.
It’s one of the most common struggles for people who care deeply about their work.
But the gospel invites us back to a different order.
Worth before work.
Before the productivity.
Before the results.
Before the outcomes.
Your identity is already secure in Christ.
And from that place of security, your work becomes something beautiful—an expression of calling rather than a test of your worth.
Write from your worth, not for it.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean to work from your worth?
Working from your worth means your identity is rooted in Christ rather than in your productivity or results. Instead of trying to earn validation through what you accomplish, you approach your work as an expression of stewardship, gratitude, and calling.
How does the Bible connect identity and work?
Scripture consistently places identity before assignment. In Matthew 3:17, God declares Jesus beloved before His ministry begins. This pattern shows that our worth comes from our relationship with God, not from our performance.
Why do Christians struggle with performance and productivity?
Many Christians sincerely want to honor God with their work, but cultural messages about success and productivity can blur the line between faithfulness and performance. Without realizing it, we begin measuring our worth by our outcomes rather than by our identity in Christ.
What does “God gives the increase” mean in everyday life?
In 1 Corinthians 3:6, Paul explains that while people participate in the work—planting and watering—God is responsible for the growth. In everyday life, this means we focus on being faithful with what we’ve been given and trust God with the results.
How can I trust God with the results of my work?
Trusting God with results begins with recognizing the difference between stewardship and control. We pursue excellence and faithfulness in our work, but we release the outcomes to God, remembering that growth and impact ultimately belong to Him.
A Simple Next Step for Your Work
If this message about worth before work resonates with you, one of the most practical ways to live it out is by building small rhythms that help you stay rooted in truth.
That’s exactly why I created a free resource called:
15 Habits of Hope for Your Work
This guide will help you:
Start your workday with the right perspective
• Release results to God instead of carrying the pressure
• Build rhythms that keep your identity anchored in Christ
These simple habits can reshape the way you approach your work, your calling, and even the expectations you place on yourself.
You can download it here:
[Download 15 Habits of Hope for Your Work]
And if you’d like to explore this topic further, listen to the Worth & Work Series where Larissa and I talk more about the difference between working for your worth and working from it.
Worth & Work Podcast Series
28. Redefining Success: Trusting God with Our Work
29. Commit Your Work to God: How to Align Your Work to God’s Purpose
31. How to Build the Habit of Trusting God with Our Work
*As an Amazon Associate, I earn commission from qualifying purchases.
About Ginger Harrington
Ginger Harrington is an author, speaker, and host of the Habits of Hope Podcast, where she helps women cultivate daily rhythms that strengthen faith and deepen trust in God. With over 15 years of experience in Christian blogging, teaching, and women’s ministry, Ginger combines biblical insight with practical application to help readers grow spiritually in real-life seasons.
She is the author of Holy in the Moment and the creator of numerous devotional resources and spiritual growth tools designed to help women engage Scripture thoughtfully and live it faithfully. Through her writing, speaking, and podcasting, Ginger equips women to build habits of hope rooted in God’s Word.
How to Scripture Journal: A Simple Rhythm for Everyday Quiet Time
Learn how to scripture journal using a simple rhythm for everyday quiet time. Write Scripture, meditate, and respond to God—without pressure or perfection.
Have you ever opened your Bible, read a few verses, and then wondered, What do I do now?
That moment—when you want to meet with God, but your mind is racing and you’re not sure how to stay with the text—is more common than we admit. And it isn’t failure. It’s an invitation.
Scripture journaling is a simple way to slow down with God’s Word—by writing it, meditating on it, and responding to God in prayerful conversation.
It’s not a method to master or a system to follow. It’s a gentle rhythm that helps turn Bible reading into a real relationship.
What follows is a simple, approachable practice you can return to again and again—one that meets you where you are, no matter how much time you have or how long you’ve been walking with the Lord.
What We’ll Explore in This Post
- Why scripture journaling is about relationship, not performance
- A simple three-part rhythm you can use anytime
- How writing Scripture helps you slow down and listen
- What biblical meditation actually looks like
- Practical ways to respond to God—without pressure
- How to carry Scripture into your day
- Gentle permission for real-life, imperfect quiet times
What Is Scripture Journaling—and What Is It Not?
Scripture journaling isn’t about filling pages or doing something impressive—although those things may happen.
It isn’t about getting it “right” or producing something meaningful to look at later.
Instead, scripture journaling helps us stay with the text—long enough to notice, listen, and remain present with God rather than rushing on. Writing, spacing words out on the page, or even lingering over a single phrase can become simple ways of giving Scripture our full attention.
We often approach Scripture for information—and that matters. But in our day-to-day devotional life, Scripture is also meant to be read for relationship, not just knowledge. God’s Word isn’t only something we study; it’s something we engage.
Scripture journaling helps turn Bible reading into a conversation, not a task.
Why Is Scripture Journaling About Relationship, Not Performance?
It’s easy to become task-oriented in our spiritual lives.
Read. Pray. Journal. Check the box.
But spiritual disciplines aren’t about doing for doing’s sake. They’re about what God does through them—how they create room for connection, attentiveness, and response.
Rather than measuring output, scripture journaling invites us to:
- Connect with God
- Receive from Him
- Respond honestly
- Allow the Holy Spirit to teach, guide, and comfort
This practice isn’t about producing something polished or proving our devotion.
God is not grading your journal.
He’s listening to your heart.
When this practice becomes part of your life, it becomes a habit of hope—a way of returning to God when life feels rushed or loud.
What Is the Simple Scripture Journaling Rhythm?
This rhythm is intentionally simple and repeatable:
Write Scripture.
Meditate on it.
Respond to God.
That’s it.
Scripture journaling isn’t about doing more.
It’s about slowing down enough to listen and respond.
How Do You Start by Writing Scripture?
Writing Scripture helps us stay with the text instead of rushing past it. Many of us want to read thoughtfully, but time pressure, distraction, or a busy mind can make it tempting to move too quickly. Writing gives us a way to pause and engage more fully.
You don’t have to write an entire chapter. Ask the Lord to show you one thing to pause on—a verse, a phrase, or even a single word. That small act of attention creates a place to begin listening.
Writing slows us down. It engages our attention in a different way and helps the words of Scripture settle more deeply. When we take the time to write, we often notice things we might otherwise skim past.
Often God speaks not through something new, but through something we finally notice.
Practical Ways to Write Scripture
- Write the verse by hand—slowly, without rushing
- Read the verse aloud, emphasizing a different word each time
- Use visual cues—circling, underlining, spacing, or emphasis—to notice what stands out
These simple, tactile practices help us engage Scripture with both mind and body. This isn’t about reverence through rigidity or doing it the “right” way. God created us differently, and engaging Scripture in personal, attentive ways can be a meaningful gift
What Does Biblical Meditation Really Mean?
Biblical meditation is not about emptying your mind or trying to silence your thoughts.
It’s about gently focusing your attention on God’s Word—allowing Scripture to linger long enough to reflect on its meaning and notice what God may be highlighting.
Rather than analyzing everything or trying to uncover a perfect insight, biblical meditation invites us to stay with the text and listen. It creates space to pay attention—to what stands out, what stirs, and what invites a response.
At the same time, biblical meditation isn’t about making Scripture revolve around us. God’s Word has meaning and authority on its own. We aren’t reading to make the passage say whatever we want it to say. Instead, we come with openness—trusting that the Holy Spirit is active as we read and reflect.
As you meditate, you might ask simple, grounded questions:
- What word or phrase is standing out to me today?
- Why might this matter right now?
- What does this reveal about God—His character, His heart, His ways?
- What is being stirred in me—comfort, resistance, hope, conviction?
These questions aren’t meant to force meaning or produce quick answers. They help us remain attentive—listening for how God may be instructing, preparing, or inviting us to respond through His Word.

Biblical meditation is about staying open. Staying curious. Staying present.
Sometimes God uses Scripture to prepare us for something ahead. Other times, He uses it to speak into something we’re already walking through. This isn’t about centering ourselves—it’s about engaging with a living God who meets us through His Word.
When Scripture speaks directly into something we’re walking through, it builds our faith—because we begin to recognize that this isn’t a coincidence, but an invitation to trust God’s nearness and care.
Hope grows when Scripture moves beyond information and becomes a place of faithful, grounded conversation with God in real life.
How Do You Respond to God Through Scripture Journaling?
Relationships grow through communication—not one-way listening.
When we respond to God, we close the loop and turn Scripture into conversation rather than something we simply read and move on from.
Responding doesn’t have to look one particular way. It can take many forms, depending on the day, the season, and what God is doing in your heart.
Response might look like:
- Silent reflection—simply sitting with God and letting the words sink in
- Praise or gratitude for what you’ve noticed in Scripture
- Honest prayer, including questions, struggle, or need
- Writing thoughts, observations, or short bullet points
- Asking God how He wants you to apply what you’ve read right now
If you don’t love journaling, bullet points are enough.
If you feel stuck, simply writing the verse and stopping is enough.
There have been seasons in my own life where my journal looked very different than it had in years past. As I reviewed it, I noticed that many days—maybe even most days—I had only written a Scripture verse and little else. At first, I found myself quietly grading that. Was I slacking? Was I not paying attention? Was God not speaking as much this year?
Instead of letting those questions turn into assumptions, I brought them to the Lord. I asked Him to show me what He was doing rather than jumping to conclusions about what I was doing wrong. What He showed me was both simple and freeing.
It had been a year filled with travel, activity, and much more doing than sitting. And rather than asking me to write more, God was inviting me to listen more—to give space for prayer, presence, and quiet attentiveness in ways that didn’t always show up on the page.
That moment reminded me of something important: the amount you write is not a measure of God’s nearness or your faithfulness. God is always speaking, and when we bring our questions and concerns to Him, we can trust Him to lead us in what we need most in each season.
Some days response is full.
Some days it’s quiet.
All of it counts.
Responding to God through Scripture journaling isn’t about producing something meaningful—it’s about remaining connected, attentive, and open to a living conversation with Him.
What If Scripture Journaling Feels Messy or Inconsistent?
Here’s some permission you might need:
- Some days are a full page
- Some days are one sentence
- Some days are silence
This isn’t about perfection—it’s about faithfulness.
Messy journals are allowed. Honest prayers are welcome.
God meets us right where we are.
And sometimes, silence itself is part of listening.
Continue the Conversation
Scripture journaling doesn’t end when you close your Bible or your journal. One of the most meaningful parts of this practice is allowing what God highlighted to travel with you into the rest of your day.
Often, as we write, meditate, and respond, one word, phrase, or theme rises to the surface. That’s not something to rush past. Holding onto that one thing helps keep the conversation open and invites God’s Word to continue shaping us beyond our quiet time.
One helpful practice is intentionally choosing one word or theme God highlighted and finding a simple way to remember it.
Ways to help yourself remember:
- Write a word or short phrase at the top of your journal page
- Use a sticky note or index card
- Place it somewhere you’ll naturally see it—your planner, to-do list, or workspace
This isn’t about testing your memory or trying harder to be “spiritual.” Remembering is about attentiveness. When we pause later in the day and recall what God impressed on us, it reopens the conversation. The Spirit may prompt us to pray again, reflect, or ask for help applying what we noticed earlier.
Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering a word during a conversation, a decision, or a moment of stress and quietly saying, Lord, help me live this out right now.
It’s hard to live out what we don’t remember—but when Scripture stays with us, it begins to shape how we love, how we respond, and how we pray. Carrying God’s Word with us helps move it from the page into our everyday lives, where faith is actually lived.
FAQ: Scripture Journaling
What if I don’t know what to write when scripture journaling?
Start by writing the verse. That alone is enough. You can also write one observation or ask God a simple question.
Is scripture journaling the same as Bible study?
No. Bible study focuses on understanding Scripture deeply. Scripture journaling focuses on relationship—listening and responding.
How long should scripture journaling take?
There’s no set time. Some days it’s minutes. Some days it’s longer. Faithfulness matters more than length.
Do I need to journal every day for it to count?
No. Scripture journaling isn’t about consistency as perfection—it’s about returning.
Try Scripture Journaling This Week
Scripture journaling isn’t about becoming better at quiet time.
It’s about becoming more attentive to the God who is already present.
When we slow down with God’s Word—when we write it, meditate on it, and respond—we’re building a rhythm of hope.
Listen to Episode 69, How to Scripture Journal, and download the simple one-page printable to help you begin. Don’t aim for perfect—just come back to the habit.
Scripture journaling doesn’t deepen when we rush ahead—it deepens when we stay long enough to listen.
The Spiritual Growth Pack: Simple Tools to Deepen Your Relationship with God
Tip sheets, prayers, and practical truths to help you listen, focus, pray, and grow in your walk with God—one small step at a time.
Download the Spiritual Growth Pack and begin strengthening your faith today.
Related Posts for Your Time with God
-
- When You Long for God to Speak to You
- Simple Ways to Meditate on God’s Word
- 8 Powerful Ways to Connect with God When He Is Silent
- Ignite Your Faith with Simple Truths for Listening to God
- Do You Struggle with Listening to God?
- Moments to Pray, Listen, and Think Bring Us Closer to God
- 15 Simple Ways to Overcome Distraction to Focus Your Attention on God (with printable)
- 10 Benefits of Reviewing What We Learn from God
- Simple Ways Silence Can Deepen Your Faith
- Discover Six Important Truths About Listening to God
About Ginger Harrington
Ginger Harrington is an author, speaker, and host of the Habits of Hope Podcast, where she helps women cultivate daily rhythms that strengthen faith and deepen trust in God. With over 15 years of experience in Christian blogging, teaching, and women’s ministry, Ginger combines biblical insight with practical application to help readers grow spiritually in real-life seasons.
She is the author of Holy in the Moment and the creator of numerous devotional resources, guided journals, and spiritual growth tools designed to help women engage Scripture thoughtfully and live it faithfully. Through her writing, speaking, and podcasting, Ginger equips women to build habits of hope rooted in God’s Word.
How to Keep Hope Alive While Praying for a Prodigal Child
In this episode of the Habits of Hope podcast, I sat down with Monica Schmelter for a conversation that so many parents, grandparents, and loved ones need.
Monica is the host of the TV show Bridges (aired weekly on Christian Television Network in over 50 million homes, and streaming on Roku), and she also hosts the Hope for the Journeypodcast—which recently made a top 10 list for Christian women’s podcasts.
This topic is personal for Monica. She’s walked the road of loving a prodigal, asking hard questions, and learning what it looks like to keep trusting God while you wait.
Why is hope for the prodigal so personal to you?
Monica Schmelter:
Yes—like you said, I’m no stranger to that journey. My son is a prodigal, and we’ve had other prodigals in the family. So there’s been a lot of tears and a lot of prayer—and all the questions. Did I do something wrong? Did I not pray hard enough?
As moms, we’re looking at all the things. So it’s been a heartfelt journey. And it’s been one that I’ve learned so much about faith and prayer—that while I’m waiting, and regardless of how dark it might seem, to trust that God is always working.
What has helped when you’ve second-guessed yourself as a parent?
Monica Schmelter:
The enemy is not all-powerful, but he is relentless at tormenting us if we don’t have habits of hope. We really have to discipline our minds and our hearts to not linger in those kinds of places.
For me, one of the things the enemy—and my own flesh, because I allowed it—would bring back were times from the past when our son was growing up.
Even though I was a Christian and I loved Jesus and loved our son so much, I really struggled with anger and rage, and I would do a lot of yelling and screaming.
I didn’t yell or scream at our son, but he heard that, and I felt that the mistakes I had made had wounded him and damaged him. And the enemy would bring that time and time again, and I would think, Gosh, if I could take that back, I would.
Finally, I came to a place of being really honest with God:
Okay, I absolutely messed up in that area. And I poured that out before God. And I went to our son and I said, If you would forgive me, I realized that I set some bad examples. And I gave some specific things that I said.
He did tell me that he loved me and offered me that forgiveness.
I wrote down the date that I talked to God about that and the date that our son forgave me. Whenever those thoughts would come back, I would go back to those dates and I would say, We’ve taken care of this.
Trusting God with my mistakes:
I’ve learned that He’s more than enough to make up for my deficiencies, because no mom is perfect.
We all have moments.
I call mine “Monica meltdown moments.”
The enemy can bring those back to torment us.
I reminded myself that He makes up for those deficiencies. And I have the power of prayer on my side.
Rather than being all down in the mouth about real things that happened, I could commit myself to prayer.
That’s something practical and productive and spiritual—pray for your child and pray for God’s kindness to lead them to repentance.
What does it look like for you to pray for your prodigal?
Monica Schmelter:
One of my favorites is in the book of Peter where it’s God’s heart—where He says He’s not slack concerning His promises, because we look at it and it’s like, God, I’m waiting.
In God’s timetable, He’s not slack or slow in keeping His promises—He’s patient. He’s long-suffering because He wants none to perish.
Sometimes I would say things as simple as:
God, I’m just agreeing with You. You say that You wish that none would perish—and God, I pray that.
I want my son to come to faith in Christ. I want that love and commitment that used to be there to return—to be that fire shut up in his bones.
I also stand on the scripture that says we can be confident. . .
that if what we’re asking is His will, we can be confident that He hears us, and if He hears us, then He answers.
A mom of a prodigal—or anybody that’s praying for a prodigal—we can be confident that them coming to Christ or coming back to Christ is absolutely God’s will.
- I steep myself in those kinds of verses.
- I’m praying what God says.
- I’m agreeing with what God says.
- And it may take a long time for me to see that answered.
- It might not be answered in my lifetime.
But I do believe He’s faithful to His word and that He’s going to answer.
Praying Scripture and believing God’s promises helps combat discouragement and impatience in times of waiting.
What if I don’t know what to say when I pray—or I’m out of words?
Monica Schmelter:
People can get hung up on: What should I say when I pray? What does this look like? And you’re exactly right—sometimes it’s heavy-duty warfare prayer. Sometimes it’s bringing God into remembrance of His word—finding a verse and putting your child’s name in there and saying that prayer.
And there are times when, in my journey, I just don’t have any words and I just cry. And I know that He hears my heart because I’m out of words and I’m out of tears.
It’s our honesty before God and our faith in Him above and beyond what we’re going through.
The story of Monica’s prayer box
Monica Schmelter:
I came to Christ at 13. After hearing my pastor talk about praying for your family and they could be saved, I started writing my prayers. I put them in a Charlie perfume box.
There are literally hundreds and hundreds of names in here. At that time, my dad was an atheist, my mom didn’t know exactly what she believed, and my grandfather—my mom’s dad—was a Muslim.
I didn’t know how or what to pray. But you can see in my little girl teenage handwriting—I wrote some days in purple, some days in red, some days in green. I drew flowers, all those crazy things.
I want to encourage moms to not give up on prayer:
God brought every one of those people to Christ—every single one.
It took 25 years for my parents.
I don’t want it to take 25 years for anybody, but I will say this—regardless of how long it takes, it’s worth it.
It doesn’t have to look beautiful. You don’t have to be a Bible teacher or recite scripture perfectly.
The box is all torn up now. This little box is my most treasured possession, because it’s my heart.
That’s what prayer is. It’s sharing our heart with God and trusting Him in the wonderful things, the things we don’t understand, and the things where it seems like it’s taking forever.
How has God ministered to your heart in the middle of a hard season?
Monica Schmelter:
I can recall one very specific instance. Our son at that time was very far from the Lord, making decisions that concerned me.
I was at work. I went into the studio and I sat in a metal folding chair—and I remember the chair was really cold. It was cold in the studio. I bowed my head to pray.
And in that still small voice in my heart, I heard the Holy Spirit say, I see you.
That held me. It was like—okay, this has been forever, but God sees me. I needed to know that at that moment.
I think we all know that conceptually, but there are times life seems so hard and so bad that we need that reminder—that He sees us, and He hasn’t abandoned us on this journey. He’s with us.
I had that knowing that He was with me, and He was going to work somehow, some way—work all of that out.
How do you balance loving your prodigal with boundaries—especially with addiction or destructive behavior?
Monica Schmelter:
It has to be very painful when a prodigal is completely estranged from the family. If that’s the case and the child doesn’t want contact, we pray.
However, if that’s not the case—we can always love our children. Loving them and talking to them and enjoying their company is important.
We don’t have to make that contingent on their behavior. I’m not talking about letting your kids do something illegal in your house.
- You can be totally loving
- Go out and enjoy meals.
- Have them over.
- We can model the love of Christ.
We don’t have to make everything a sermon to them. If God opens the door, go through that door. But if not—love them right where they are, model that example of Christ loving us where we are.
Realize that even God respects our free will. There’s nothing we can do to make our prodigal’s heart change—only God can do that.
But we can do everything possible to build and sustain a good relationship so that when they do come to Christ, they can see how you love them unconditionally and you still kept that contact and celebrated their victories.
And I would say—every victory your prodigal has, every wonderful thing—celebrate that. Don’t always come back to what you know: They need to come back to the Lord. They do—but celebrate the good, and don’t lose all of that, because God’s working on the part that we can’t change.
The ache of dealing with addiction.
And I’m so glad you brought up addiction and tough love, because that is the case with a lot of parents of prodigals.
There are things you absolutely cannot allow in your home. There are boundaries you have to set.
- You cannot continue to give money.
- You cannot continue to do those things when there are substances, reckless behavior, that sort of thing.
- Pray for God to give you the grace to let go—but not give up.
- You can still continue on in prayer, but you’ve got to totally give that prodigal to the Lord.
Do not feel guilty for setting boundaries.
You have to—for your own good, for their good, for other family members’ good.
That’s painful. And I would encourage everybody—if you have a friend who is the mom or dad of a prodigal and they’ve had to set boundaries, don’t judge them. Don’t tell them all the things they need to do. It’s hard enough already.
If they ask for advice, by all means share your wisdom. Otherwise, pray—and just listen without judgment. If we’ve not walked that road, we don’t know.
Giving each other grace matters.
If I haven’t been down that road, I want to keep my heart open. This mom, this dad is suffering. They’ve had to make hard decisions—decisions that probably break their heart.
I don’t want to cause any more angst. I can just pray and be a friend.
What would you say to someone who feels like it’s too late—or they’ve failed?
Monica Schmelter:
As long as there’s breath and life, there’s hope. It’s never too late.
We’ve all made mistakes. Some are bigger mistakes than others. But He is more than enough to make up for our deficiencies.
It’s not like once we made those mistakes, God thought, Well, my plan of salvation for that one is totally gone and out the door. It’s not like that.
If we can recognize that those thoughts are not coming from God—they’re coming from the enemy and from our own flesh and fears—the things we know and remember.
If there’s something we need to repent about, by all means do that. But once we’ve done that, live in the joy of the Lord and the joy of your salvation—expectantly waiting, like the prodigal father did, watching for his son from a long ways away.
The story of the prodigal son…
- We don’t know a lot about that father, but we know he had to be concerned because he’s watching for the child’s return.
- We know he continued whatever his work and business was—because he still had food and servants. Life was continuing, and yet he was waiting.
- Those sound like two opposite messages, but they’re not. Life continues and we wait—and that happens together.
Never ever ever ever say it’s too late, because it’s not.
Nobody is too far gone.
The Bible says His arm is not short and His ear is not deaf.
I have a good friend who always says, God has more than a trillion ways to deliver your children.
If you’re in the waiting today—praying for someone you love, carrying questions, and trying to keep showing up—this conversation is a reminder that you’re not alone. And it’s a reminder that prayer doesn’t have to be perfect to be real.
If this episode encouraged you, I hope you’ll listen to the full conversation—and consider sharing it with someone who may need hope for the waiting too.
Connect with Monica
Seek God First: How to Order Your Life Around What Matters Most
Learn what it means to seek God first (Matthew 6:33) and how to order your life around what matters most with trust, wisdom, and hope.
Have you ever noticed how easily good intentions can quietly turn into pressure?
You begin a new year—or a new season—wanting to live faithfully. You want to use your time well. You want to make thoughtful choices. You want to carry forward what God has already taught you.
And then, almost without realizing it, that desire can start to feel heavier.
Instead of wisdom, there’s urgency.
Instead of trust, there’s pressure to figure everything out.
A plan for provision. A plan for the future. A plan for what comes next.
Into that anxious swirl, Jesus doesn’t step in with a checklist or a warning—but with an invitation:
“Seek first the kingdom of God.”
Not strive.
Not secure.
Not solve.
Seek.
This invitation from Matthew 6:33 shows us how to order our lives around what matters most, especially when the future feels uncertain.
What We’ll Explore in This Post
In this post, we’ll walk through:
- Why Jesus’ invitation to seek first is a response to worry, not a spiritual platitude
- What Matthew 6:33 really means in the context of everyday provision and anxiety
- What it looks like to seek God’s kingdom instead of living from fear
- How seeking God’s righteousness is about identity, not performance
- How “seek first” becomes a simple, repeatable habit of hope
- Practical ways to apply this verse to decisions, conversations, and daily life
What Does It Mean to Seek God First in Matthew 6:33?
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
—Matthew 6:33
This verse comes at the end of a longer teaching where Jesus addresses very real concerns: food, clothing, work, daily provision, and the fear of not having enough.
Jesus isn’t speaking to people chasing luxury.
He’s speaking to people wondering how they’re going to get by.
Throughout Matthew 6, Jesus contrasts two ways of living:
- A life organized around anxiety—focused on securing needs, chasing outcomes, and living in constant “what if”
- A life organized around trust—shaped by God’s kingdom and God’s ways
When Jesus says, “But seek first…”, that small word but matters.
It signals a turning point.
A change of pattern.
A different way of ordering your life.
When God is first, you don’t have to carry the full weight of provision on your own.
This isn’t a promise of ease or abundance—it’s the assurance that God is faithful and present, and that you can trust Him.
Why Seeking First Is Jesus’ Practical Answer to Worry
It’s easy to think of Matthew 6:33 as a beautiful verse that sounds good—but doesn’t quite touch real life.
But this is Jesus’ practical response to anxiety.
Seeking first isn’t abstract. It’s how we reorder our lives when the future feels uncertain.
Instead of beginning with fear, Jesus invites us to begin with God.
Not after we plan.
Not once we feel secure.
But first.
What Seeking First Is Not
Before we go further, it’s important to name what Jesus is not saying.
Seeking first is not:
- A productivity strategy
- A formula that guarantees specific outcomes
- A way to eliminate responsibility
- A method for controlling results
Jesus isn’t saying, “If you do this right, everything will go the way you hope.”
He is saying this:
When your love is rightly ordered, you can trust God with what follows.
Seeking first is about ordered love—loving God above all else so everything else finds its proper place.
What Does It Mean to Seek God’s Righteousness?
When Jesus invites us to seek His righteousness, He isn’t calling us to perform better or try harder.
He’s not adding something else to your already-full schedule.
He’s inviting you to live from a different center.
God’s righteousness is revealed in His character—
His faithfulness.
His mercy.
His truth held with love.
It’s God’s way of doing and being right—pure, holy, and good.
And when we belong to Christ, righteousness becomes something we live from, not something we strive to achieve.
We aren’t seeking righteousness to earn God’s love.
We seek it because we’re already loved.
This matters because anxiety has a way of shaping how we respond.
Fear influences our tone, our timing, and our choices.
Seeking God’s righteousness invites a different question:
Not “What do I need to get?” but “What does it look like to reflect God’s heart here?”
Righteousness becomes practical when it shows up in everyday moments:
- How we speak when we’re frustrated
- How we listen when we feel misunderstood
- How we respond when things don’t unfold the way we hoped
Sometimes the most honest prayer is simply:
“Lord, would You express Your righteousness through me right now?”
There have been seasons in my life where anxiety shaped far more of my thinking and decision-making than I realized. I wasn’t always aware of it at the moment—I was just trying to stay ahead, trying to manage what might come next, trying to keep things from unraveling.
Over time, I began to see how often fear was driving my emotions and my need for control. Learning to seek God first—again and again—became one of the ways the Lord gently reoriented my heart. I still have moments where anxiety surfaces, but it no longer defines the direction of my life the way it once did.
When we live from identity rather than anxiety, seeking first becomes less about effort and more about trust.
Righteousness isn’t just about getting it right.
It’s about living from who we already are in Christ—secure, provided for, and held by grace.
Why Seeking First Is About Direction, Not a Task
Seeking first isn’t something to add to your to-do list—though sometimes writing it at the top of your list can help orient your heart.
When Jesus says seek, He’s talking about direction and focus.
- What has the first claim on your attention?
- What shapes your yes or your no?
- What steadies you when you feel unsure?
Seeking first is less about what you do and more about who you depend on.
It’s choosing to begin—not with outcomes—but with God.
How Does Seeking First Reveal Our Motivations?
We don’t often pause to analyze our motivations—but they’re always influencing us. I know that’s true for me. Most days, I’m not stopping to ask, Why am I doing this right now? I’m just moving forward, responding, deciding, reacting. And yet, underneath it all, something is always driving those choices.
That’s where seeking first becomes such a gracious gift. It gives us a simple filter for discernment—without requiring endless self-analysis.
It invites honest questions like:
- Am I seeking God first here—or myself?
- Am I trusting God’s provision, or trying to secure my own?
- Am I acting from trust—or from the need to protect, prove, or control?
That last one can sting a little. I know it does for me. There are moments when that question feels like a bullseye—when I realize my urgency isn’t coming from faith, but from fear. And none of us gets this right all the time. That’s one of the reasons this practice needs to become a habit, something we return to again and again.
Often the issue isn’t what we’re choosing—but why we’re choosing it. We might say the same words, take the same action, or have the same conversation, but everything shifts depending on what’s driving our heart.
When God is first, our motivations are shaped by faith instead of fear.
We may still do the same things—but we do them differently. Our tone softens. Our urgency eases. Our responses are guided more by trust than by the need to control the outcome.
Seeking first helps us name what’s really going on inside—and then gently reorient our hearts toward God’s way instead.
How Seeking First Grows Out of Wisdom, Not Urgency
This invitation to seek first doesn’t come from a soft aside—it comes from Jesus’ clear, instructive teaching about worry and misplaced focus.
In Matthew 6, Jesus names what we actually struggle with. He asks direct questions that expose the futility of anxiety:
- Why do you worry?
- Why exhaust yourself over what you cannot control?
- He points to the flowers and the grass—not sentimentally, but decisively—to show how little our worry accomplishes.
Worry does not provide. It does not secure the future. It does not add wisdom. It only multiplies pressure.
Jesus contrasts anxious striving with a wiser way of living. Those who do not know God run after provision as if everything depends on them. But His followers are called to live differently—grounded in the knowledge that their Father already knows what they need.
This is where wisdom comes in.
Psalm 90:12 reminds us, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Wisdom doesn’t rush. Wisdom pays attention. Wisdom recognizes limits—and refuses to pretend it can carry tomorrow today.
Seeking first grows out of that wisdom.
Instead of asking, What do I need to make happen?
We begin asking, Where is God already at work—and how do I align with that?
Seeking first is not avoidance or passivity. It is the wise reordering of our lives in light of what worry cannot do and what God has already promised to do. Jesus doesn’t deny that each day has trouble of its own—He simply refuses to let tomorrow’s trouble dictate today’s faithfulness.
Wisdom acknowledges reality.
Urgency tries to outrun it.
Seeking first chooses wisdom.

How Seeking First Addresses Anxiety Without Ignoring It
Even knowing what Jesus says about worry, anxiety can still show up. It certainly does for me. What seeking first has given me is not the absence of anxious thoughts, but a way to respond when they rise.
Remembering to seek first helps dial down my tendency to worry because it interrupts the urgency. It reminds me that anxiety is not something I have to obey or fix before moving forward. Instead of letting fear set the agenda, seeking first reorients my attention back to God—His kingdom, His care, His faithfulness.
Jesus acknowledges that each day has trouble of its own. Seeking first doesn’t deny that reality. It simply keeps today from being dominated by tomorrow. When I return to that question—What does it look like to seek God first right here?—the weight shifts. I’m no longer carrying provision on my own. I’m choosing trust over control, one moment at a time.
Trusting God with “All These Things”
For me, seeking first when anxiety shows up often comes down to the promise Jesus attaches to this invitation: “and all these things will be added to you.” That phrase pulls my attention away from everything I’m trying to manage and back to the heart of the issue—who am I trusting to provide?
Seeking first is a choice to trust that God knows what I need and will be faithful with it. It doesn’t mean disengaging from responsibility or pretending needs don’t exist. It means I don’t have to secure provision before I obey. I don’t have to carry the full weight of outcomes to move forward in faith.
When worry starts to take over, returning to that promise steadies me. It reminds me that provision is received, not chased—that my role is faithfulness, not control. Seeking first reorders my confidence, shifting it from my own effort to God’s care. And in that shift, anxiety loses its authority, one decision at a time.
How Seeking First Looks in Everyday Life
Trusting God with provision doesn’t stay theoretical for long. It shows up in ordinary moments—real decisions, real conversations, and real limits on our time and energy. When we ask, What does it look like to seek God first right here, today? these practices give us a simple place to begin.
- With Time and Daily Work
Begin the day with this posture of trust:
“Lord, order my day. Help me do what You want me to do today.”
- In Decision-Making
Begin with a simple prayer:
“Lord, help me seek You first in this decision.”
Ask: What does God’s kingdom look like here? How does His righteousness apply?
- When Anxiety Surfaces
Instead of spiraling forward, pause and ask:
What would it look like to trust God with this outcome?
- When Priorities Feel Crowded
Return to this grounding question:
What matters most in light of God’s kingdom?
- In Difficult Conversations
Before responding, pray:
“Lord, help me express Your righteousness here.”
When our hearts and our choices are aligned with God’s leading, urgency loosens its grip—and faith takes its place.
How These Episodes Fit Together
These episodes were sequenced intentionally:
- Reflection helps us pay attention to what God has been teaching and discern what to carry forward
- Numbering our days forms a wise awareness of time—shaping how we live with gratitude, intention, and humility
- Seeking first reorders our motivations around trust instead of fear or selfishness
Jesus isn’t asking us to do more.
He’s inviting us to live from a deeper center.
Frequently Asked Questions About Seeking God First
What does “seek God first” really mean?
It means ordering your life around trust in God rather than anxiety about outcomes. It’s about direction, not perfection.
Is seeking God first a productivity strategy?
No. While it can bring clarity to how we use our time, its purpose is spiritual alignment, not efficiency.
How does Matthew 6:33 help with anxiety?
It shifts the burden of provision from your shoulders to God’s care, reminding you that He is faithful with what follows.
Can seeking first become a daily habit?
Yes. When practiced consistently, it becomes a default posture—a habit of hope that shapes decisions and responses.
Living from Trust, One Day at a Time
You don’t have to carry tomorrow today.
When your heart is aligned with God’s kingdom, you can trust Him with what comes next.
Seek first—and rest in the God who provides.
Because a deeper life begins when we trust God—first.
Practice “Seek First” in the Moments That Matter Most
If today’s message about seeking God first resonated with you, Holy in the Moment: Simple Ways to Love God and Enjoy Your Life was written for this exact journey.
This book isn’t about striving harder or adding spiritual pressure. It’s about learning how to return to God right in the middle of real life—when anxiety rises, decisions feel heavy, and trust feels hard.
Holy in the Moment offers simple, practical ways to live from a steadier center, so faith becomes something you practice moment by moment—not something you postpone until life feels easier.
👉 Get Holy in the Moment and start choosing “seek first” in the ordinary moments that shape your days.
Related Content
How to Number Your Days with God for a Heart of Wisdom
Have you ever reached the start of a new year with a long list of goals and resolutions—things you want to do better, manage better, finally get under control—and yet still feel unsure where God fits into all of it?
I’ve been there. Many of us plan our time with good intentions, but Psalm 90 invites us to something deeper than planning. It invites us to seek God’s wisdom before we decide how to use the days He’s given.
How do you number your days? Psalm 90:12 shows us that numbering our days isn’t about getting more organized—it’s about asking God to teach us how to live with wisdom, gratitude, and an eternal perspective, one day at a time.
This is a follow-up to Episode 65, where we talked about reflecting on what God has taught us in the past year and carrying it forward. But reflection isn’t the end goal—Psalm 90 reminds us the goal is wisdom.
“Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)
What We’ll Explore in This Post
- Why Psalm 90:12 is a prayer for wisdom—not a plan for productivity
- What “numbering your days” really means (and what it doesn’t)
- How an eternal perspective brings clarity to your priorities
- How to value the season you’re in without rushing ahead
- How gratitude changes the emotional weight of your days
- How to choose what to carry forward—and what to release
- Why wisdom looks like trust, not control
What does Psalm 90:12 mean by “number your days”?
When we hear “number your days,” it’s easy to think calendars, schedules, goals—especially at the beginning of a new year. I even said in the episode that I had my calendar out and was literally counting days between deadlines for planning purposes.
But Psalm 90:12 is pointing to something deeper.
To number your days is not mainly about planning efficiently—it’s about asking for God’s guidance in how you live within your time and keeping an eternal perspective.
It’s an honest awareness that your time is limited, that you have boundaries, and that God alone knows how many days any of us have.
Why does this matter? Because we want to accomplish the God things, not just the good things.
And this verse begins with a word we can’t miss: “Teach us…”
That means we need help. Left to ourselves, we don’t do this well. So Psalm 90:12 becomes a simple, steady prayer: “Lord, teach me.”

Why isn’t this verse about better time management or getting more done?
Because the verse doesn’t say, “Teach us to number our days so we can manage them better.”
It says:
“Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
That distinction matters.
It’s easy to live with a split—your “real life” over here and your “God life” over there. But wisdom brings it together. Wisdom is lived alignment with God’s ways and His heart.
Wisdom is letting God set the pace and the priority before we make our plans.
Instead of planning first and praying later, we seek God’s wisdom before we decide how to live in the time we’ve been given.
And this isn’t just theoretical—it changes how you carry your life. When you know you’re living in alignment with what God wants, there’s a deep sense of purpose, fulfillment, and hope.
And really, isn’t that what we all want? Isn’t it good to know that this is God’s desire for us as well?

How does wisdom actually grow over time?
In the episode, I said it plainly: wisdom grows when we reflect. This isn’t the only way to wisdom, but it is an important part of the journey.
Wisdom grows when we:
- reflect on what we’ve lived
- notice patterns
- invite God to interpret our experiences
- align ourselves with what God’s Word says and how He wants us to live
Experience alone doesn’t make you wise. Reflection guided by God turns experience into wisdom.
That’s why looking back isn’t just nostalgia. It’s an invitation for God to shape how we live going forward.
How does an eternal perspective change your priorities and pressure?
One of the big themes in the episode is that numbering your days is a clarifying awareness—not a fearful one.
When you remember time is limited and eternity matters, your perspective shifts:
- Not everything deserves the same weight.
- Not every demand deserves your energy.
- Not every distraction deserves your attention.
You stop reacting to every urgency as if it’s ultimate.
And honestly? This is where we bump into what I called “the tyranny of the urgent”—that feeling of chasing urgent things while missing the important things. When we live with eternity in view, it helps us step out of autopilot and ask better questions:
- What is God calling me to actually focus on right now?
- What has lasting value?
- What does faithfulness look like with the time God has given me right now?
Living this way doesn’t make life smaller. It makes it clearer.
Habit of Hope
Receive each day as a gift while seeking God’s wisdom for how to honor Him with your time.
This isn’t about squeezing more into your days. It’s about how you hold the days you’ve been given.
When you receive time as a gift, gratitude shapes your attitude.
When you seek God’s wisdom, faithfulness shapes your choices.
Together, they help you live wisely without pressure.
What are practical ways to live this out each day?
Here are the practices we named in the episode—simple, but powerful. I’m putting them in a numbered list so you can come back to them easily.
- Begin the day with a simple prayer.
Begin with a prayer like, “Lord, thank you for this day. Help me to honor You with the time You’ve given me today.” Starting here shifts your day from control to trust. - Pause before making a commitment.
Pause and ask, “Lord, is this something You want me to do right now?” Before you say yes, take one breath and ask the question. Sometimes the wisest “yes” begins with a surrendered pause. - End the day by releasing unfinished things to God.
Entrust the unfinished things to the Lord, remembering faithfulness is not measured by how much you accomplish. You can trust Him with what didn’t get done—not just what did.
And here’s the heart beneath these practices:
Wisdom grows not through control, but through trust—and not through striving, but through attentiveness.
How do you value the season you’re in without rushing past it?
Numbering your days means valuing each season for what it is.
Psalm 90 was written with a long view of life—wilderness years, loss, faithfulness over time. And that matters, because numbering your days doesn’t mean rushing through a season just to get to the next one.
It’s easy to mentally fast-forward and tell yourself: Life will be better when…
- when the kids are older…
- when things slow down…
- When I retire….
- when this season passes…
But when we appreciate the season we’re in, we allow it to shape us.
Different seasons require different rhythms, priorities, and responsibilities. My time looks very different now than it did 30 years ago. So the question isn’t, “How do I live like I did in another season?” Instead, ask yourself, “What does faithfulness look like here and now?”
Instead of planning our way out of a season, we seek God’s guidance within it.

How does gratitude reshape the way you carry time and responsibility?
Numbering your days also means receiving time as a gift and living with gratitude.
When you recognize your days are given by God, gratitude becomes more than a feeling—it becomes a way of living. It helps you stop taking your days (and the people in them) for granted.
And it changes the emotional weight you carry:
- less pressure to prove yourself
- less need to make every moment impressive
- more patience with those around you
- more ability to trust God with what you cannot finish or control
Larissa said something in the episode that’s worth repeating because it’s such a strong reframe:
It shifts us from “I’ve got to get all of this done” to “I’ve been entrusted with this day.”
Gratitude doesn’t deny difficulty. It reframes it.
When you’re overwhelmed, it can give you a pause instead of a spiral.
When you’re frustrated, it can soften you instead of harden you.
When you’re disappointed, it can keep you grounded instead of resentful.
Gratitude helps anchor us in the present without denying the hope of what’s ahead.
How do you choose what to carry forward into the new year?
When your days are numbered, you stop trying to carry everything into the future.
Instead, you begin to live with discernment instead of default.
That means you pause and ask:
- What is God inviting me to keep?
- What might He be asking me to release?
- What lessons from this season are meant to guide my choices now?
And when it comes to goals, we can ask different question. Instead of:
- What do I want to accomplish this year?
Ask:
- What is God calling me to prioritize with the time He’s given me?
We let God set our priorities before we set our plans.
Numbering your days empowers you to choose wisely. And when you live this way, your pace becomes lighter, your choices become clearer, and you carry less pressure into the days ahead.
Why does numbering your days require trust instead of control?
This is where Psalm 90:12 can bring real rest.
Because no matter how wisely we live, there are things we cannot control:
- how many days we’ll have
- what each day will bring
- how this year will unfold
Wisdom isn’t certainty. (And yes—I would love the roadmap some days.)
But the wisdom Psalm 90 points us to is dependence: seeking God’s plan rather than just making ours.
We don’t number our days to master them. We number them to walk with God one day at a time.
That’s where wisdom settles—when we stop trying to grip time and start entrusting it.

5) Short FAQ Section
How do I number my days as a Christian?
Numbering your days starts with prayer: “Lord, teach me.” It’s living with an awareness that time is limited, eternity matters, and God gives wisdom for how to live faithfully today.
Is Psalm 90:12 about time management?
Not primarily. Psalm 90:12 isn’t a prayer for better organization—it’s a prayer for wisdom. It invites you to seek God’s guidance before you set your agenda.
What does it mean to gain “a heart of wisdom”?
In this episode, we talked about wisdom as lived alignment—bringing your “real life” and your “God life” together, letting God shape your choices, pace, and priorities.
How can I live wisely when I don’t know what this year will bring?
Psalm 90:12 reminds us wisdom doesn’t mean certainty—it means dependence. You walk with God one day at a time, with open hands, trusting Him with what you can’t control.
Cultivating the habit of numbering our days.
Psalm 90:12 calls us to more than managing our time. It calls us to seek God’s wisdom. It invites us to listen before we decide, to receive our days with gratitude, and to let God shape how we live within the time we’ve been given.
And as you step into this year, you don’t have to have everything figured out to live wisely. You don’t need a perfect plan for your year. You need a heart that’s attentive to God—one that receives each day as a gift and listens before deciding.
Receive each day as a gift while seeking God’s wisdom for how to honor Him with your time. This is a habit that is worth cultivating.
As you begin this year, let’s step into it with hope—not rushing, not striving, but walking toward wisdom one day at a time.
Resource Mentioned
Article: Tyranny of the Urgent
Related Content
- How to Start the New Year with God
- How to Build the Habit of Trusting God with Your Work
- 4 Powerful Ways to Peace in Decision Making
- Finding Soul Rest from the Burdens that Weigh You Down
How to Start the New Year with God: From Reflection to Formation
There’s something about the start of a new year that makes us want a clean slate—new plans, new habits, new energy. But before we rush forward, what if we paused? Because some of the most meaningful growth doesn’t come from starting over. It comes from paying attention to what God has already been teaching us.
So, how do you start the new year with God? You begin by slowing down long enough to reflect on what you learned—both the joyful and the hard—and then you intentionally carry those lessons forward so they shape how you live, choose, and grow in the year ahead.
That kind of reflection isn’t nostalgia. It’s wisdom.
One of the verses that captures this mindset so well is Psalm 77:11–12:
“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
This remembering isn’t just looking back—it’s a spiritual reflection practice that helps us move forward with hope.
What We’ll Explore in This Post
Why reflection matters more than a “clean slate” approach
A simple Christian New Year reflection practice you can actually do
How to learn from what was joyful and what was frustrating
Why preparation can be an act of grace—not striving
How small, consistent practices shape real Christian spiritual growth
What it means to plan well while holding things loosely
How to step into a new season with wisdom, presence, and sustainable rhythms
Why Starting the New Year with God Begins with Reflection
Without reflection, it’s easy to move on quickly—and forget what God has been faithfully teaching us. In the busyness of life, we can learn something meaningful and then lose sight of it as soon as the calendar turns.
Reflection helps you remember what God has done so you can grow from it.
That’s why Psalm 77 matters here. It’s not calling us into a sentimental rewind. It’s inviting us into the kind of remembering that produces wisdom—because when you notice God’s faithfulness, you carry it with you. And that changes how you step into the year ahead.
How Do You Do an End-of-Year Reflection With God Without Overthinking It?
One of the most freeing things Larissa said in our conversation was this:
There’s no right way to do this—only the honest way.
Here are a few simple approaches we talked about—each flexible, meaningful, and adaptable to your season.
Start with a simple list. Write words or short phrases about what you remember learning. Treat it like a rough draft. Don’t worry about grammar. Just get it on paper, then take it to the Lord and ask for clarity.
Review what God has been teaching you. Another way I do this is by reviewing my journal for the year. For a short season, I use this review as my quiet time and ask, Lord, will You help me notice what You’ve been teaching me? I look for repeated themes, topics God returned to again and again, and lessons that feel like preparation for what’s next.
Use what helps you remember. If you don’t journal, looking back through your camera roll can be a powerful way to remember where God met you. Let the memories prompt prayerful reflection: What do You want me to take away from this year?
There are many ways to reflect. The point isn’t the method—it’s pausing long enough to notice.
What Should You Pay Attention to When You Reflect With God?
Yes—look for what was joyful.
But also pay attention to what was frustrating.
This came up in our conversation in an important way. Sometimes the places you struggled most are exactly where God was meeting you with wisdom. Larissa shared how her therapist described frustration like an alarm—something that signals, Pay attention here.
As you reflect, you might ask:
What kept irritating me?
Where did I feel stuck or overwhelmed?
Because sometimes we keep pushing against the same thing until we finally realize God may be teaching us something there.
God’s lessons are often hidden inside your hard places.
Habit of Hope
Here’s the Habit of Hope we shared in Episode 65:
Pause each year to reflect—and intentionally carry lessons forward.
Starting the new year with God doesn’t begin with a checklist—it begins with reflection that turns into formation.
Practical step:
Set aside one unrushed hour this week to ask:
What did I learn this past year? What is God inviting me to carry forward into this new year?
Why Do New Year’s Resolutions So Often Turn Into Pressure?
Because for many of us, a new year quietly becomes a new attempt to fix ourselves.
I shared how the Lord convicted me of this years ago. I realized I was beginning each year trying to fix myself in new and fresh ways—and for me, that wasn’t walking in freedom in Christ. I remember sensing the Lord saying, in essence, How about we focus on some of the things I’ve been teaching you?
That shift changed everything.
Starting the year with wisdom is different from starting the year with self-improvement. One is rooted in striving. The other is rooted in noticing God.
How Do Small, Consistent Practices Shape Christian Spiritual Growth?
Larissa shared a powerful lesson: small, consistent practices matter more than big overhauls. They don’t fix everything overnight, but they create stability and hope over time.
One practice she shared was something she calls a looking forward to list. The night before, she would write a short list of things she was looking forward to the next day. It helped her focus on meaningful moments ahead—and by the end of the day, it often became a gratitude list.
Give it a try: Tonight, write three things you’re looking forward to tomorrow.
Small practices don’t just change your schedule—they shape your spirit.
How Can Preparation Be an Act of Grace, Not Striving?
One of the lessons I’m carrying forward is this:
Preparation is an act of grace. It gives us space.
This year required that in a new way. Working ahead protected consistency and created freedom—not pressure.
A question I’m keeping for this year:
What could I prepare ahead of time this month that would create space for presence later?
How Does God Use Creativity as Provision, Not Performance?
Another lesson Larissa shared is one I loved: creativity isn’t just for hobbies. God gives creative solutions to real problems.
For her, creativity became a form of provision—not productivity or performance, but practical wisdom for what was right in front of her. Sometimes God’s provision doesn’t arrive dramatically. Sometimes it comes as an idea at just the right time.
When you face a small problem this week, pause and ask:
Lord, is there a creative solution You want to show me?
How Grief Changes Over Time—and Why Noticing That Matters
One of the lessons that surfaced this year was quieter, but deeply significant: grief changes—and noticing that change matters.
Larissa shared that as she wrapped up year five as a widow and stepped into year six, things didn’t suddenly feel “better.” There weren’t dramatic markers. But something had shifted. And naming that shift mattered.
Healing doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Often, it shows up as steadiness—an increased capacity to carry hard things with a little more strength than before.
Another important truth we talked about is this: God may call us to do hard things while we are still in a hard thing.
Grief doesn’t pause life. And healing doesn’t mean the hard is over. But over time, God prepares us—quietly and faithfully—to live with courage and compassion in the midst of what still hurts.
Joy Is Still Possible—even in Hard Seasons
Right after grief, we talked about something that can feel surprising but deeply true: joy is still possible, even in hard seasons.
Joy is not denial. It’s not pretending things are fine when they’re not. Joy is a gift God gives us as we learn to trust Him more deeply.
This year brought a growing awareness that laughter and delight are not distractions from spiritual growth—they’re part of it. Joy loosens the grip of pressure and helps us stay present instead of rigid.
Joy doesn’t erase grief. But it can coexist with it. And over time, it becomes a quiet testimony of God’s faithfulness.
Why Noticing a Change of Season Helps You Live With Wisdom
One of the most helpful things we can do as we reflect on the past year is ask whether we’re stepping into a new season—and what that season requires.
When we recognize a season shift, we can adjust priorities, expectations, and schedules to better align with where God has us now. Instead of asking, What’s not working the way it used to? we can ask, What is God showing me in this season?
For me, this season has made one thing especially clear: presence matters.
There was also a very personal lesson wrapped into this season. I had a clear dream I worked toward for several months, believing it was time. And yet, as the year unfolded, it became clear it wasn’t going to happen in the way or timing I expected.
That could have felt like failure. Instead, it became an invitation to hold that dream with open hands—trusting God’s timing more than my own. In this season, being available to what God was doing right in front of me mattered more than pushing a personal goal across the finish line.
Recognizing a new season gives you permission to realign—not retreat. And when we do that, we’re not falling behind. We’re walking in step with God.
Why We’re Adjusting the Podcast Rhythm—and What You Can Learn From It
As we step into this new year, we’re adjusting the rhythm of the podcast slightly—not out of burnout, but out of wisdom.
Starting in January, the first week of each month will be an admin week with no new episode, followed by weekly episodes thereafter. The purpose is simple:
A sustainable pace
Space to serve well
Creating from joy rather than pressure
Practical step: Consider one small rhythm you could adjust this month—not to do less, but to live with more wisdom.
FAQ: How to Start the New Year With God
How do I start the new year with God if I feel behind or discouraged?
Start with a pause, not a plan. Ask what God taught you last year and what He’s inviting you to carry forward.
What is a simple Christian New Year reflection practice I can do in one sitting?
Make a short list of lessons—words or phrases—and pray over it for clarity.
What if I can’t remember what God taught me this year?
Use something that jogs your memory—journal entries, quiet time notes, or photos—and ask God to show you the themes.
How do I plan for the new year without striving?
Plan well, but hold your plans loosely. Preparation can be an act of grace when it creates space for trust.
Hope As You Begin This Year
As you step into this new year, don’t rush past what God has already been teaching you. Receive those lessons as gifts. Carry them forward with intention and trust.
The Habit of Hope: Pause to reflect—and carry the lessons forward with grace and freedom.
If you’d like to hear the full conversation, listen to Episode 65 of the Habits of Hope podcast. You’ll also find related resources linked in the show notes to help you turn reflection into growth that lasts.
Because the lessons you learned are not wasted—they’re wisdom.
And when reflection becomes formation, that wisdom becomes hope for the year ahead—hope rooted in trusting a faithful God to meet you, guide you, and sustain you in every season.
This Christmas…Choose to Believe, Part 1
A quiet Christmas reflection on choosing to believe God while waiting, holding faith through unanswered prayers, and trusting His work in ordinary days.
Note: This post has been updated to include episode 64 of the Habits of Hope Podcast. This episode revisits and gently weaves together themes from earlier writings, offering a quiet, reflective space to prepare your heart for Christmas.
Have you ever loved God faithfully for a long time…
served Him, prayed, trusted Him —
and still carried a deep longing He didn’t seem to answer?
Maybe you’ve wondered, quietly,
Why would God let this prayer go unanswered for so long?
Or felt the tension between faithfulness and disappointment.
If so, you’re not alone.
Some stories in Scripture are so familiar
that we stop listening for the nuances in the passage.
We know the ending.
We’ve read the miracle.
Sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is time to slow down and let God speak.
Let’s step into the story together.
It was just a regular day.
No sign in the sky.
No whisper of anticipation.
Just faithfulness.
Just showing up.
And then — God stepped in.
Luke 1:5-25
5 In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah, of the division of Abijah. His wife Elizabeth was also descended from Aaron.
6 They were both righteous before God, living blamelessly in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord.
7 But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.8 Once, when Zechariah was performing his priestly duties before God, in the order of his division,
9 according to the custom of the priesthood, he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord and burn incense.
10 At the hour of the incense offering, all the people were outside praying.11 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense.
12 When Zechariah saw him, he was shaken and overcome with fear.
13 But the angel said to him,
“Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.
14 He will be a joy and a delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth.
15 For he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He must never drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before his birth.
16 He will turn many of the Israelites to the Lord their God.
17 He will go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of parents to their children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.”18 Zechariah said to the angel,
“How can I be sure of this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.”19 The angel replied,
“I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I was sent to speak to you and bring you this good news.
20 And now, because you did not believe my words—which will be fulfilled in their time—you will be silent and unable to speak until the day these things happen.”21 Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the sanctuary.
22 When he came out, he could not speak to them, and they realized he had seen a vision in the sanctuary. He kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.23 When his time of service was completed, he returned home.
24 After these days his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and kept herself in seclusion for five months.
25 “This is the Lord’s doing,” she said,
“now that He has looked with favor upon me and taken away the reproach under which I lived among people.”
One of the hardest parts of this story — and one of the most important —
is that Zacharias and Elizabeth were faithful before anything changed.
Scripture is careful to tell us they were righteous before God,
walking blamelessly in obedience.
And yet — they carried years of disappointment.
They prayed.
They waited.
And God did not answer the deepest longing of their hearts for a very long time.
That kind of waiting wears on you.
Especially when you’ve served God faithfully for years.
Especially when you’ve prayed the same prayer again and again.
Especially when the silence stretches on longer than you expected.
And in their culture, barrenness was not just painful — it was shameful.
It was something others noticed.
Something silently judged.
Something that could make you question what God was doing… or if He had forgotten you.
And yet — they remained faithful.
They didn’t walk away from God because they were disappointed.
They didn’t stop serving because the longing remained.
They didn’t quit trusting, even when the ache stayed tender.
This story matters because it reminds us:
Faithfulness is not measured by outcomes.
Sometimes faithfulness looks like continuing to follow God
even when the prayer you care most about remains unanswered.
And maybe that’s where this story meets you today…
Let’s ask God to let the story of Zachariah become a mirror:
- We are the ones who wait.
- We are the ones who pray prayers that feel unanswered.
- We are the ones who fear and wonder and hope and doubt.
- We are the ones who long to know: Has God heard me?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . . God is working in your ordinary days.
It all began with routine priestly service — nothing dramatic.
“Once, when Zechariah was performing his priestly duties before God…” (Luke 1:8)
He was simply being faithful.
Showing up where God had placed him.
Carrying both devotion and disappointment.
And that is where God broke in.
When the lots were cast, God made a sacred selection.
The moment priests hoped for and most never received.
Zachariah’s name was chosen.
A once-in-a-lifetime calling.
A doorway into holy ground.
He did not know that today, heaven would meet him in the middle of his ordinary obedience.
He was simply doing the work that was his to do.
God is not absent in your ordinary.
He is present there — moving, preparing, shaping, holding.
Have you missed God’s nearness simply because life feels ordinary or routine?
This Christmas…choose to believe prayer and worship make a difference.
“And the whole multitude of the people were in prayer outside…” (Luke 1:10)
The worship and prayer of the people is an important part of this story.
A turning of hearts toward God.
A holy expectancy.
A moment of reverence and seeking.
Every prayer and moment of worship matters.

This Christmas, choose to believe. . . has heard your prayers.
The angel speaks to the request Zacharias had prayed for years:
“Your prayer has been heard.” (Luke 1:13)
Not:
“You prayed the right way.”
“You prayed enough.”
“You prayed with perfect faith.”
Just:
Your prayer has been heard.
There are prayers you pray standing up, prayers you pray on your knees, prayers you whisper into your pillow, and prayers you stop praying out loud because they feel too tender to touch anymore.
God has heard every prayer of your heart.
You have not been overlooked.
You have not been forgotten.
The long ache that has lived quietly in your chest is not invisible to Him.
Do you have a prayer have you quietly stopped believing God listens and remembers — and could you bring it to Him again today?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . .God meets you in your longing.
The message touches the Zachariah’s deepest longing:
“Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son…” (Luke 1:13b)
In this passage, God speaks to the exact place where the ache lives.
Where hope stretched thin.
Where disappointment has lingered.
This is not a story about getting what we want.
It is a story about God seeing us in the waiting, the grief, the surrender, the longing —and meeting us there.
Where have you been afraid to hope because disappointment has been real?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . .God can bring you joy.
“He will be a joy and a delight to you.” (Luke 1:14)
Sometimes joy feels far away.
Sometimes grief takes up space in us longer than we expect.
Sometimes we can even forget what joy feels like.
But God is the restorer of joy.
Not the forced, smiling, “make it look okay” kind of joy —
but the deep joy that rises quietly
like a warm light from within.
Joy that doesn’t deny sorrow —
but lives alongside it.
Joy that knows tears and still says,
There is goodness yet.
Where has joy felt out of reach — and could you trust Him to restore your joy today?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . .God will fill you with the Holy Spirit.
“He will be filled with the Holy Spirit…” (Luke 1:15)
John’s birth gave us a glimpse of what God was going to make possible for all of us. In ages past, the Holy Spirit was sometimes given to rest on individuals to empower them for a specific calling.
In goes deeper than on.
John was filled with the active presence of God working from within. One of the ongoing gifts of Christmas is that we can be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Holy God takes residency in the manger of our lowly hearts.
The extraordinary meets the mundane.
No longer in need of angels to convey messages, we can be filled with the Holy Spirit, the presence and purpose of God.
This is the great mystery of the gospel:
By faith, you do not live this life alone.
You do not carry your faith by your own strength.
You do not have to manufacture peace, hope, trust, or belief. It is a gift of God.
The Spirit breathes in you.
Fills what you cannot fill.
Strengthens what you cannot hold.
Sustains what you cannot carry.
Have you received the Holy Spirit by faith in Christ? Where do you need a fresh filling of the Spirit in your life?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . . God is still reconciling hearts.
“He will turn many… he will turn hearts…” (Luke 1:16–17)
Christmas is a story of God drawing near.
Softening what has become hardened.
Restoring what has been strained.
Bringing home what has wandered.
Lifting what has been heavy.
You may be carrying relational weariness.
A conversation that ended poorly.
A distance you don’t know how to close.
A wound that still stings.
God is still turning hearts today.
Is God inviting you to release something, forgive someone, soften something to prepare your heart for more of Him?
This Christmas, choose to believe. . . God will work in your wait.
“They had no child… and both were advanced in years.” (Luke 1:7)
The waiting was long.
The waiting was painful.
The waiting shaped them.
And yet —
God had been present in every year of waiting. And He is present in our waiting.
Your waiting has not been empty.
Waiting is not punishment.
Waiting is preparation.
How has waiting changed you — strengthened you — deepened you?
This Christmas, choose to believe God is bigger than your doubt.
“How can I be sure of this?” (Luke 1:18)
Zacharias didn’t reject God —
he simply didn’t know how to hold hope anymore. His questions were bigger than his faith in the moment.
I’ve been there. That very issue is the source of many moments of anxiety in my life.
Maybe you know that feeling.
Maybe you’ve tried to protect your heart.
Maybe you’ve learned to hope with caution.
Maybe belief feels tender.
God does not abandon Zachariah in this moment —
He stays.
He continues the promise.
Where is belief tender in your life — and can you allow God to meet you there?
Had I been standing beside the altar listening to the voice of an angel, would I struggle to believe?
The struggle to take God at His word is also part of the first message of Christmas. Will we believe the message? Will we accept the one before us, the miracle of God clothed in the skin of a baby?
Like Zachariah, we can point to logic and count our problems.
We can look back instead of forward.
We can lose sight of what can be in the face of what is.
Like Zachariah, we can get lost in our, “how can this be” questions.
And yet, Zachariah’s doubts did not disqualify him from God’s plan.
God still fulfills the promise.
God still brings the child.
God still writes the story.
God still speaks favor.
The same is still true today. Bring your doubts to God.
Your story is still unfolding with God’s faithfulness woven through it.
Clinging to our desire for certainties, we can cheat ourselves of the wonder of faith. We can let doubt silence faith, or we can ask for faith that silences doubt.
The choice is ours.
Maybe the greatest consequence of disbelief renders us unable to tell of the wonder of God. I count so many times I have struggled. What gracious blessing to see that our frailties of faith do not stop God.
Today’s Habit of Hope
Name the place where your heart needs God right now,
and choose to believe He is working there.
Try this simple prayer:
“Lord, this is where I need You.
I choose to believe You are working here.”
This Christmas, choose to believe in the favor of God.
The story of this first Christmas message continues with the rounding belly of a woman pregnant with longing fulfilled.
In quiet content with life growing strong within her, Elizabeth completes this first message of Christmas. With joy, she feels that sweet favor kick against her ribs.
“The Lord has looked with favor upon me.” (Luke 1:25)
Favor means:
God comes close.
Right where you are.
As you are.
You are seen.
You are known.
You are loved.
Let the story of Zachariah whisper to you in your ordinary days:
God sees you.
God hears you.
God is nearer than you think.
Let His peace settle over your questions.
Let His joy rise again in the places where you’ve felt weary.
Let His favor remind you that you have never been forgotten.
Before we end, take one more breath.
Let your heart open just a little wider.
Let the hope of this story settle into the places where belief has felt fragile.
Christmas is a season of sacred expectancy—
a reminder that God breaks into ordinary lives
with extraordinary grace through the redeeming gift of His son.
From my heart to yours, Merry Christmas, friend.
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How to Let Go of the Picture Perfect Christmas and Embrace Joy
Feeling pressure to create a picture-perfect Christmas? Discover how to release expectations, choose presence over perfection, and find true joy in Christ.
Christmas has a way of quietly stirring expectations—often without our awareness.
Have you ever hit December and felt like you were already behind?
Christmas music is playing, lights are twinkling, and yet something inside of you feels out of sync—maybe even heavy. I’ve had years where, instead of joy, I felt pressure. Instead of anticipation, there was anxiety quietly humming in the background. And I found myself thinking, Isn’t Christmas supposed to feel different?
As we talked on the podcast, one of the most surprising things about Christmas is this:
“How easily expectations can creep in. You don’t plan them, but suddenly you realize you’re holding a whole list you never meant to write.”
Most of us don’t intend to pile on pressure. We want the season to feel meaningful and peaceful, filled with family, festivity and traditions. But life doesn’t always cooperate just because the calendar says December. And when our reality doesn’t match the picture in our minds, the disappointment can land hard.
Letting go of a picture-perfect Christmas begins with recognizing the expectations we’re carrying and how they’re shaping our experience of the season.
When joy is tied to things going a certain way, it becomes fragile. But when joy is rooted in Christ, it becomes steady—able to meet us right in the middle of real life.
In Episode 63 of the Habits of Hope Podcast, Larissa and I talk honestly about how to navigate the season when Christmas feels different—and why that difference doesn’t disqualify us from joy.
We name the pressure, the disappointment, and the longing—and we gently return to the heart of the Christmas story, where joy was announced not to perfect lives, but to weary, ordinary people living real stories.
What We’ll Explore in This Post
- Why Christmas expectations form so quietly and carry so much weight
- How the pressure for a picture-perfect Christmas steals joy
- Why Christmas can feel different through grief, loss, conflict, and change
- How comparison and cultural images intensify disappointment
- What the Christmas story reveals about joy for real, imperfect lives
- Why joy grows through presence, not perfection
- How to choose presence over perfection when the season looks different
Why Do Christmas Expectations Carry So Much Weight?
One of the biggest stressors of Christmas is expectations.
They come from many places—culture, family, and often us—shaping how we think Christmas should look, feel, and move our hearts.
Recently I’ve been going through old photos—pictures from my own childhood and from when my kids were growing up. There were a lot of Christmas pictures mixed in, and it was meaningful to look back on those moments.
Those photos remind us of what we want Christmas to be. Happy families. Meaningful traditions. Warm emotions. Peace and harmony. We want Christmas to feel beautiful—not just visually, but emotionally.
And yet, real life often brings something very different.
- Schedules don’t line up
- Budgets feel tight
- Some loved ones are no longer with us
- Grief shows up
- Illness interrupts plans
- Houses feel quieter than expected
- Longing, emotional exhaustion, or the weight of feeling stretched thin
That space—the gap between what we hope for or long for and what we’re living right now—often shows up as disappointment. Sometimes it feels like stress. Sometimes it feels like overwhelm.
And that’s where expectations start to feel heavy.
Looking back at those photos also reminded me of how much pressure I sometimes put on myself as a mom. I wanted Christmas to be perfect for my kids—the presents, the experiences, the traditions.
There were years when the calendar was completely packed: It felt like rushing from one thing to the next, trying to keep everything together—winging it and hoping I didn’t drop the ball.
Whether those expectations came from outside us or from inside our own hearts, they created pressure. Pressure to make Christmas meaningful. Pressure to make everyone happy.
Pressure to keep things the way they used to be and recreate something beautiful—even when life was already demanding a lot.
When life interrupts with new seasons or hard things, those expectations don’t disappear—they collide with reality. That’s why Christmas disappointment can feel so heavy.
We’re not just facing changed plans; we’re grieving the loss of what we hoped the season would hold.
Naming unspoken expectations matters—because when they go unchecked, they quietly crowd out joy instead of leading us toward it.

When Christmas Feels Different Than You Expected
For many people, Christmas feels different not because something is wrong—but because life has changed.
The ups and downs of life add deep layers to the Christmas season. Wins and losses, transitions and ongoing challenges don’t pause just because it’s December. And when Christmas looks different from what we hoped or expected, that difference can be hard to carry.
There are many reasons Christmas may feel different this year:
- Someone is missing
- The kids are with the in-laws
- You’ve moved and everything feels unfamiliar
- Finances are tight, grief is fresh, or illness has interrupted plans
- Or the season simply feels lonelier than expected
And then there’s a layer we don’t always talk about enough—family conflict.
Strained relationships and tense gatherings can feel especially painful during a season filled with images of smiling, effortless, picture-perfect families. Seeing others post joyful moments can sting deeply when your own family feels fractured or complicated.
Christmas has a way of amplifying both what we long for and what we feel we’ve lost.
Larissa shared how December carries a different kind of ache after losing Bill. The sweetness of what was is still there—but so is the empty space. For those who have loved deeply and lost deeply, Christmas carries added weight.
I shared from my own life as well. As a military family, we’ve often experienced Christmas after major moves—arriving in unfamiliar places, missing previous homes and friendships. One year, when we moved to Okinawa, our youngest was heartbroken at the thought of Christmas without a tree. That Christmas was very different—but it also became sweet in its own way.
Sometimes difference shows up in quieter ways: navigating a more silent house when kids are grown, switching traditions because of illness, or facing unexpected budget challenges during the holidays.
All these changes carry emotional weight.
Many people are carrying more at Christmas than they ever say out loud.
Different doesn’t mean Christmas is ruined.
Different doesn’t mean joy is off-limits.
It simply means life is unfolding.
And it matters to say this clearly:
If Christmas feels different for you this year, you are not broken. Your story isn’t wrong. And your feelings don’t disqualify you from the joy of Jesus.
What Does the Christmas Story Teach Us About Joy for Real People?
At the heart of this conversation is a simple but powerful reminder: the Christmas story itself was never picture-perfect.
The words recorded in Luke 2:10–11 weren’t spoken into calm, ideal circumstances. Jesus entered a world marked by political tension, poverty, uncertainty, and fear. The people of Israel were living under Roman occupation, longing for rescue. Daily life was heavy with injustice and hardship.
The first Christmas wasn’t wrapped in sparkle and ease.
It was wrapped in tension, exhaustion, and longing.
And right into that reality, God spoke these words:
“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.” (Luke 2:10–11)
God did not wait for perfect conditions to announce joy.
Joy stepped into a weary world. A Savior arrived for people who were tired, strained, and stretched—much like we often are today.
And that tells us something important: God doesn’t reserve joy for people whose lives look put together.
Joy comes to the overwhelmed mom.
Joy comes to the military family far from home.
Joy comes to those living through disappointment, conflict, grief, or loneliness.
Christmas joy is for all people—because we all need a Savior.
When we think about Pinterest-perfect homes and curated holiday moments, it helps to remember where Jesus was born—not into comfort, but into simplicity, inconvenience, and humility. His parents were far from home, navigating circumstances that were anything but easy.
Maybe that’s intentional.
Maybe God wanted us to know this:
He meets us right in the middle of imperfect, unpredictable lives.
Jesus didn’t come for perfect stories.
He came for real ones.
That’s why joy doesn’t rise because everything is going right.
Joy rises because Christ has come.
This is the kind of joy that holds steady through change, loss, pressure, and longing—the kind that doesn’t require staging, only presence. God’s presence.
And that’s the beautiful hope of Christmas:
We don’t have to create a perfect season to experience true joy.
What Does It Look Like to Choose Presence Over Perfection?
With all the pressure, disappointment, changes, and longing that can surface at Christmas, it often comes down to one simple shift: choosing presence over perfection.
That invitation starts with an honest question:
What does it look like to be present right now instead of trying to make everything perfect?
Not present in the picture-perfect version of Christmas we imagined—but present in the real moment God has placed us in.
Here are some of the ways presence showed up in our conversation.
Choose One Meaningful Thing Instead of Everything
Sometimes presence means choosing one meaningful thing instead of ten.
Rather than trying to recreate every tradition from years past, presence asks what truly brings joy this year. Doing less can create space for deeper joy.
Loosen Your Grip on Expectations
Presence also looks like loosening your grip on expectations—both your own and everyone else’s.
When we release the pressure for Christmas to look a certain way, we’re able to enjoy the moments that are in front of us.
Expectations tighten our grip. Presence opens our hands.
Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
Choosing presence doesn’t mean ignoring hard emotions.
If the season stirs grief, loneliness, or disappointment, presence means honoring those emotions instead of assuming something is wrong.
Joy doesn’t require pretending everything is fine.
Build in a Pause to Be with God
For many of us, presence begins by creating intentional pauses.
That might be Scripture and prayer, a quiet cup of coffee, or a few still moments by the Christmas tree or a candle—space to breathe and refocus on Christ.
Sometimes presence is simply praying:
“Lord, show me what matters right now.”
Practice Presence Through the Christmas Worship Challenge
One simple way to practice presence this season is through daily worship.
I’ve created a Christmas Worship Challenge—one email with a linked list of short daily devotions to help you pause and be present with Christ throughout December. Each day includes Scripture and a Christmas song, offering a gentle invitation to worship instead of rush.
This isn’t about adding another task—it’s about creating space.
Trust God Instead of Trying to Fix Everything
Presence also shows up in relationships.
It may mean extending grace, releasing the need to fix everything, and trusting that God is working in places you can’t see.
Presence is often choosing trust over control.
Choose Simple Connection
Presence doesn’t have to be complicated.
If you have capacity, it may look like saying yes to an invitation or inviting someone into what you’re already doing. Even simple connection can ease isolation during the holidays.
Remembering Where Joy Grows
Presence is where peace settles and being fully present is where joy grows.
God meets us not in the ideal version of Christmas, but in the real one.
When we choose presence over perfection, we open ourselves to the unexpected ways God wants to bless us—in quieter moments, new rhythms, and imperfect stories. His presence becomes the anchor.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my Christmas looks very different this year?
Christmas often looks different because life changes—through loss, transitions, illness, family dynamics, or unexpected circumstances. A different Christmas doesn’t mean a diminished one. According to the Christmas story, joy meets us in real life, not ideal conditions.
Why do unmet Christmas expectations hurt so much?
Because expectations are often tied to hope. When plans shift or traditions change, we aren’t just disappointed—we’re grieving what we hoped the season would hold. That ache is real and deeply human.
Does feeling grief, loneliness, or tension mean I’m missing the joy of Christmas?
No. Disappointment does not disqualify you from joy. Scripture reminds us that the good news of great joy was announced to people living weary, complicated lives. Joy and sorrow can exist together.
How can I experience joy without forcing myself to feel cheerful?
Joy doesn’t require pretending everything is fine. It grows through presence—being honest with God, honoring what you’re carrying, and allowing Christ to meet you right where you are.
Encouragement for Your Heart When Christmas Looks Different
If your Christmas looks different this year—quieter, lonelier, busier, more emotional, or simply more complicated—please hear this clearly:
Nothing about your story takes God by surprise.
Nothing about your story places you outside His love.
And nothing about your story disqualifies you from the joy of the season.
- Some years Christmas is loud and full.
- Some years it’s simple and quiet.
- Some years you’re surrounded by people.
- Some years you’re adjusting to a new normal.
Different doesn’t make Christmas less. It simply reflects the reality that life is changing.
And the beautiful truth of the Christmas story is this: God has always shown up in places and seasons that looked different than what people hoped.
Jesus came into tension, uncertainty, and longing—not perfection. He meets us in the middle of real moments, not staged ones.
So give yourself permission to breathe.
To slow down.
To loosen your grip on expectations.
Let presence—not perfection—shape this season.
Christmas may look different, but Christ is still your constant.
And where He is, there is hope.
📥 Download the Christmas Worship Challenge to help you build daily pauses of worship and presence throughout December.
Christian Hospitality and Loneliness: One Invitation Can Restore Hope
Discover how simple Christian hospitality can ease loneliness. One invitation can restore hope and build meaningful, faith-filled conversation with Sue Donaldson.
“Loneliness is at an all-time high.” I said those words as we opened this episode of the Habits of Hope Podcast, and I feel them deeply.
We are more connected digitally than ever—scrolling, liking, and DM’ing—but so many of us feel isolated and unseen, especially as the holidays approach. Underneath the full calendars and online noise, there’s a quiet ache:
Does anyone really see me?
What if one of God’s simplest answers to that ache is invitation?
Today I’m talking with Sue Donaldson—retreat speaker, author, podcast host, and hospitality mentor—about how Christian hospitality and loneliness are woven together, and how God can use our imperfect homes and ordinary meals to become a “never alone” kind of place.
Her new book, Never Alone: Stories of Invitation and Connection in an Isolated World, is packed with hope-filled stories and practical wisdom on living a life of welcome. In this conversation, she pulls back the curtain on her own loneliness, her first hesitant invitations, and the simple, doable ways we can practice hospitality as Christians—even when we feel tired, introverted, or insecure.
When You’re the One Standing Alone in the Parking Lot
Sue’s passion for hospitality didn’t begin in a picture-perfect home. It started in a church parking lot.
Single into her thirties—back when that was less common—she remembers standing alone after church while families packed kids into vans and headed home.
“I knew the people in my church loved me… and off they would go… and I thought, Why didn’t they invite me over for lunch? Because I needed a family to be in.” — Sue Donaldson
They liked her. They weren’t unkind. They just assumed she had an exciting single life. The truth? She was lonely and needed an invitation.
That ache became a holy nudge: What if I’m the one who invites?
Instead of waiting to be welcomed, Sue picked up the phone and called six women from church—each married, each with young children—to invite them to a Saturday brunch.
“I didn’t make very much money and I wasn’t Julia Child or Martha Stewart… but I could read. So I could read a recipe.” — Sue Donaldson
They were busy, but they came. Those simple brunches became a turning point. Those women became mentors. And Sue discovered that when you’re lonely, sometimes you have to make the first move.
That’s the quiet courage of Christian hospitality: not just waiting to be included, but asking God who you might invite.
Every Relationship Begins with an Invitation
As we talked, I returned to a line from my book Holy in the Moment that frames this entire conversation:
“Every relationship begins with an invitation.” — Ginger Harrington
An invitation doesn’t have to be complicated. It can sound like, “Hi, I’m Ginger,” or “Would you like to come for coffee?” Or even, “We’re having leftovers—want to join us?”
Sue shared how a simple question opened the door to lasting connection. After noticing a group of college students at church—and a college-age server she met at brunch—she asked about their lives and learned one young woman was a missionary kid who wasn’t currently attending church.
So Sue extended an invitation:
“Hey, you want to come for dinner a week from Tuesday?” — Sue Donaldson
All four young adults showed up. They shared their stories around her table, and one of those women became a close, long-term friend.
Sue traces moments like these back to the heart of God:
“God’s invitation to us was, Come to my table and you’ll find rest. And so our job is just to pass that along.” — Sue Donaldson
This is where Christian hospitality and loneliness meet—not in perfection, but at the table, in the story, and in the simple word come.
Loneliness as an “Unnecessary Disease” — and Hospitality as a Cure
At one point in our conversation, I referenced something Sue often says—that loneliness is an unnecessary disease, and simple hospitality can be part of the cure.
So what does God’s heart actually say about welcoming others?
Sue pointed us straight to Scripture:
“God’s word says, be hospitable without grumbling. And that’s not a command to a few—it’s a command.” — Sue Donaldson
Hospitality isn’t reserved for especially gifted believers or polished homes. In the New Testament, it’s a calling for all of us—not to impress, but to reflect God’s welcoming heart.
“You don’t have to go to seminary… You just have to go across the street and invite your neighbor over for banana bread that you didn’t even bake.” — Sue Donaldson
If you’re in a quieter season and wondering What now?, this may be one of God’s simplest answers:
Open your door.
You don’t need culinary skill or Pinterest perfection. You can buy dessert, host a potluck, serve leftovers, or invite someone for toast and coffee after church.
“You don’t have to like to cook to obey God… There’s one reason to do hospitality anyway—showing off God’s welcoming heart to someone who just needs to be invited.” — Sue Donaldson
Simple Christian Hospitality Ideas (That Don’t Require Perfect Anything)
One of the biggest barriers to practicing hospitality is perfectionism.
We tell ourselves, My house isn’t ready. The menu isn’t special enough. I’m too tired.
So I asked Sue how we push past those fears and open the door anyway.
Her answer began in the heart:
“We just take it to God… we surrender ourselves and ask Him for the courage and the guidance.” — Sue Donaldson
From that surrendered place, Sue shared simple ways hospitality can start right now:
Use leftovers. She invited two women over for pulled pork, beans, and lemon cake—stored in baggies. They talked for nearly three hours and began a meaningful friendship.
Serve toast and coffee. One hungry friend simply needed toast after church. That was enough.
Welcome people into unfinished spaces. Even during a long home remodel—with lumber and no walls—Sue kept inviting people in. Hospitality didn’t wait for “after.”
Invite teachers or neighbors for tea. Store-bought cookies, banana bread, and a pot of tea made space for connection.
“We’re all level in hospitality when we make mistakes in front of other people.” — Sue Donaldson
We don’t need marble countertops or homemade biscotti to be faithful—just willing hearts, imperfect homes, and the courage to say, Come sit at my table.
Hospitality vs. Entertaining: Who Is It Really About?
Part of what trips us up is confusing entertaining with hospitality.
Sue puts it plainly:
“There’s a huge difference between entertaining and hospitality. Entertainment is about the host, and hospitality is about the guest.” — Sue Donaldson
Entertaining says:
“Look at my home. Look at my table. Look at my skills.”
Hospitality says:
“How are you really doing?”
“Tell me your story.”
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
Hospitality is less about the strawberry shortcake and more about the soul across the table.
When we shift our focus from impressing guests to simply loving guests, the pressure slides off. We stop asking, Is my house good enough? and start asking, Who needs to feel seen today?
Mary, Martha, and Choosing the Better Part
When I think about hospitality, I often think of Mary and Martha.
Jesus is in their home. Martha is busy with preparations, “worried and bothered by many things,” while Mary sits at His feet, listening. When Martha complains, Jesus gently responds:
“Martha, Martha… Mary has chosen the better part.” (Luke 10, paraphrased)
It may not be a traditional hospitality passage, but the setting matters—a home, a meal, and service motivated by love. Martha is doing a good thing, yet missing the better one: being present with Jesus.
We can fall into the same trap, becoming modern-day Marthas—anxious about the menu, distracted by the mess, frustrated when things aren’t perfect.
But the goal of hospitality isn’t performance. It’s presence.
God uses our welcome, our listening, and our willingness to slow down so people encounter Him—not through a sermon in the living room, but through His Spirit at work in us.
“Through the power of the Holy Spirit, when we meet with people, they are experiencing Christ in us and through us.” — Ginger Harrington
When They Won’t Come to Church—but They’ll Come for Pancakes and Bacon
Some people aren’t ready to walk into a sanctuary.
Maybe they’ve experienced church hurt. Maybe they feel like they don’t know enough Bible. Maybe Sunday morning just feels like too much.
But they’ll come to your house.
“They may not come to a Bible study… or to church… but they’ll come to your house for chocolate chip pancakes and bacon on a Saturday morning.” — Sue Donaldson
Sue reminded us that you don’t have to cross an ocean to be a missionary. You can start with your own neighborhood, your own street.
The invitation itself is an act of love.
Encouragement for Introverts (and Tired Hosts)
Hospitality looks different for introverts—and for those of us whose energy changes with age and season.
I shared how, while my husband and I have always been “inviter” people, my energy in my 60s isn’t what it was in my 40s. I still love having people over, but large gatherings require more margin, communication, and grace.
Sue brings insight from the other side. She’s an extrovert married to an extreme introvert and a mom to an introverted daughter—and she’s learned that smaller gatherings often create deeper connection.
“Too many people dissipates the fellowship.” — Mark (quoted by Sue Donaldson)
For many introverts, hospitality works best when it’s simple and focused:
One couple instead of a crowd
A thoughtful conversation rather than constant small talk
A few intentional questions instead of noise
That’s why Sue often uses conversation starters—sometimes even placing questions under plates—helping everyone feel seen and included.
She shared one small but meaningful insight:
“An introvert told me once, ‘I like having something in my hand when I walk in the door. It makes me feel more comfortable.’” — Sue Donaldson
So when an introverted guest offers to bring something, say yes. It’s a simple way to help them participate and feel at ease.
Learning Hospitality When You Didn’t Grow Up With It
What if you didn’t grow up in a hospitable home?
Maybe your family didn’t have people over. Maybe meals were functional, not communal. Maybe you don’t have a mental library of “how this goes.”
Sue’s mother is a beautiful picture of someone who broke the chain.
She wasn’t raised in a hospitable home, but as an adult, she started inviting people. She made mistakes (including memorable coffee mishaps!), but she kept going. She learned, grew, and modeled something new for her children.
“Breaking the chain of ungrace.” — Sue, referencing Philip Yancey
Now, all five of Sue’s siblings know how to make coffee, put on a pot of tea, and pick up a Costco pie.
That’s the hope for us, too. Even if hospitality feels foreign or intimidating, we can begin with small, awkward, imperfect steps—and our children and spiritual “children” will see something different.
When Dinner Goes Wrong (and God Still Uses It)
One of the gifts of this conversation was laughing over our kitchen disasters.
I shared my first attempt at stuffed shells—served completely uncooked because the recipe was unclear and “no-bake pasta” sounded convincing. I didn’t realize the mistake until the table went quiet and I heard it:
Crunch. Crunch.
Sue matched the story with her own early-marriage mishap: an undercooked stuffed meatloaf served to the pastor and his wife. She quietly reheated plates in the microwave while the pastor’s wife comforted her with stories of her own early failures. Mercifully, Sue remembers to this day—the pastor never used it as a sermon illustration.
The point isn’t the food. It’s what those moments teach us:
You can survive hospitality mistakes
Imperfection puts people at ease
Laughter itself builds connection
“We’re all level in hospitality when we make mistakes in front of other people.” — Sue Donaldson
One Homeless Guest and a Lifetime of Impact
As we neared the end of our conversation, I asked Sue to share a story from her book Never Alone—one that captures how God uses hospitality to change lives.
She told us about Doug, a homeless man she met while working at a Catholic thrift store. He lived in his car, visited thrift stores daily, and often sang along with the Christmas music in a rich baritone voice.
At the suggestion of a coworker, Sue invited Doug to their Christmas Eve soup-and-bread potluck. He wasn’t sure his brother would invite him for the holiday—and when that invitation never came, Sue’s did.
He didn’t make it to church that evening, but he did come to her home—dressed in layers, carrying a small tray of crackers and American cheese. Sue made sure her children welcomed him, and in a full house, Doug was there—seen and included.
Later, Sue invited him to join the church choir. Though unsure at first, Doug came, met the choir director, and was warmly welcomed.
“He never stopped coming to church after that.” — Sue Donaldson
Over time, Doug found an apartment through the church, bought a suit to wear in the choir, and returned every Christmas Eve—his simple contribution improving a little each year. He became part of the family of God in a tangible, lasting way.
Doug passed away during COVID, and he is still deeply missed.
“It was a blessing to us.” — Sue Donaldson
That’s the quiet mystery of Christian hospitality and loneliness: what begins as an act of welcome often transforms not only the one invited—but those who open the door.
A Heart of Welcome Starts with Prayer
As we wrapped up, Sue shared a simple resource to help turn good intentions into action.
“There’s a prayer for a hospitality heart because it really does start with prayer. God may need to change our perspective—and He’s very good at changing me.” — Sue Donaldson
Along with that prayer, she offers a favorite recipe and mentoring worksheets designed to help you feel more confident sharing your life and faith around the table.
Sue’s reminder is simple and freeing: everyone has something to offer, and everyone belongs in a mentoring relationship—receiving hope from others and passing it along in everyday ways.
Resources & Links
You’ll find direct links in the show notes and on the podcast page, but here’s where to connect:
Sue’s Website:
welcomeheart.com — filled with free resources, stories, and speaking information
Sue’s New Book:
Never Alone: Stories of Invitation and Connection in an Isolated World
Free Hospitality Resource from Sue:
A Prayer for a Hospitality Heart, a favorite recipe, and mentoring worksheets (link in the show notes)
A Closing Word of Hope: One Invitation at a Time
As we closed our conversation, one truth stood out clearly: hospitality isn’t about perfect recipes or picture-perfect tables. It’s about making space for God’s love to flow through ordinary lives.
One small invitation can open the door to connection, healing, and hope.
In a world where Christian hospitality and loneliness often exist side by side, we don’t have to fix everything. We simply have to notice, invite, and welcome—to offer coffee, leftovers, pancakes, or a place at the table.
A deeper life doesn’t begin with perfection. It begins with presence.
Sometimes all it takes is the simple courage to say, “You’re welcome here”.
And maybe, before the week is over, ask yourself:
Who is one person I can invite—to coffee, to my table, or into my everyday life—so they don’t have to feel alone?
Meet Sue Donaldson
Sue Donaldson is a speaker, author, podcast host, and hospitality mentor passionate about helping others reflect God’s welcoming heart through everyday acts of invitation.
Through her ministry, Welcome Heart, Sue encourages believers to see hospitality not as entertainment, but as a simple, faith-filled way to combat loneliness and build meaningful connection. She has served as a missionary, teacher, and retreat speaker, and her own life experiences—including seasons of deep loneliness—have shaped her conviction that no one should feel alone. Sue hosts the podcast WELCOME HEART: Living a Legacy Life, and her new book, Never Alone: Stories of Invitation and Connection in an Isolated World, shares real-life stories of how God uses ordinary invitations to bring hope, healing, and lasting community.
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