I Give You Permission to Spend Time With Friends
Good friendships don’t happen by accident. They take time and attention to grow. However, developing the gift of girlfriend comes with intention and action. Friendship is a special blessing in every season of life.
Summer days, what better time to focus on friendship?
Busy days and cramped schedules make it easy to become disconnected from friends. When my children were younger, time with friends part of our routine. Kids came over to play, and so did their moms.
We lived in a neighborhood where friendship came easily and community was a natural part of the neighborhood. We gathered in yards while kids connected houses with lines of hopscotch grids and stick figure drawings.
Now my kids are all taller than I am and they are busy with their own adventures. They don’t need mom watching from the sidelines. Kid activities no longer create friendships with other moms.
A different season.
As a writer, my schedule is often rather solitary. I love what I do, but there are days when I feel isolated as I tap away at the computer keys. I’m blessed with wonderful friends, but the time to enjoy relationships is harder to find. [tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#friendship”]My need for friendship doesn’t go away just because I am working and life is busy.[/tweetthis]
When my kids were younger, we sometimes grounded them from hanging out with friends when they misbehaved. For teenagers, there was no better consequence. Do you know what? I’ve just realized, that for the past few years, I’ve virtually grounded myself.
Too often, I tell myself, I will plan time with a friend when I get my work done. Somehow, I feel guilty or lazy if I take time to hang out with a friend. How crazy is that?
Well, it’s time for the guilt to stop.
For most of us, our work is never really done. There is always something else on the to-do list. I don’t know about you, but my task list can seem longer than a new roll of toilet paper. If we prioritize friendship as a treat to be held off until all our work is done, then we find ourselves isolated and disconnected from people we care about.
Today, I’m giving myself permission to make for time for friendship. And just because I’m Queen of this corner of the Bloggy World…
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#timewithfriends #friendship”]I give you permission to spend time with friends.[/tweetthis]
Goodbye guilt and hello fun!
Laughing with friends is good for your soul, and here is where the spiritual meets the practical today. I don’t often give homework on this blog, but today I have an assignment for you: plan to do something fun with a friend this week. No excuses, okay?
Seriously…do it!
What challenge do you face in making time for friendship? How have you overcome that challenge? I’d love to hear what’s on your heart today.
Friend, I can’t write about friends and not tell you how very grateful I am that you choose to visit my online home. Your friendship means the world to me. Thanks for reading!
Do You Have the Gift of Girlfriend?
Longing for friendship and connection starts early in life.
Every girl knows there is no age limit on the value of a good friend.
My daughter toddles out to the pool with her babydoll stroller, clomping in her grandma’s pretty shoes. She loves the clackity-clack of hard soles on hot cement. Grandma follows close behind to make sure this little one stays away from the edge of the pool.
Cute as a bluebird, she perches on side of the pool in her ruffled bathing suit. I love hearing my girlie chat with anyone who will stop and visit. She chirps, “Hi. What’s your name?” And off she goes into a fascinating, friend-making conversation. By the end of the afternoon, she has met many of the adults and most of the children at the pool. With her three-year-old wisdom, no one needs to tell her this truth: there is something special about friendship.
Do you have the gift of girlfriend?
This may seem like an odd question. My friends, Larissa and Jenny both have a friendship gift that comes naturally, but they also work hard at building relationships. Building community and making friends is an intrinsic part of who they are. They have that special gift of girlfriend.
For many, friendship doesn’t come easily. Initiating relationships feels uncomfortable and risky. And though friendship can be the source of great joy, betrayal or rejection from a friend can break your heart. Remember those awkward middle school years of fluctuating friendships and alliances that could shift with the wind? Best friends could become worst enemies and the in-crowd could be cruel to many. Friendship was often a competition during those insecure days of adolescence–who has the most friends, the coolest buddies, the prettiest pals, the funniest girlfriends?
[tweetthis]Though we’ve grown up, friendship can still become a competition.[/tweetthis]
Isn’t it time to release that sneaky temptation to compare ourselves with others? Some people have loads of friends, others only a few. Some make friends easily, others struggle. The most important thing is to focus on being a great friend to the ones God has given you.
I love these words from Elizabeth of Just Following Jesus:
Maturity realizes that there’s only one me and there’s only one you, and though my friend may have five other friends, there’s only one me in her life. Relationships shouldn’t be a competition. Being true to being who you are makes you irreplaceable. Trying to be like others in order to be liked and accepted makes you just another face in the crowd.
Don’t expect any one friend to be all things friend to you. Let each friendship naturally evolve and take its own path. When we trust God with our friendships, we can be okay with the fact that every friendship may not grow the way we would like. Some friendships grow close quickly, others slowly develop over time. Some never get past , “Hi, how are you?”
[tweetthis hidden_hashtags=”#friends, #makingfriends”]One thing is true: the best way to have a good friend is to be one.[/tweetthis]
The best way to develop the gift of girlfriend is to learn to treat others well. God’s wisdom shows us many ways to build relationships.
14 Tips for being the Friend You Want to Have.
Romans 12:9-19 offers wisdom that can be a great guide for friendships. The following list is straight out of The Message.
- Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.
- Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.
- Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.
- Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame.
- Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.
- Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.
- Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.
- Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath.
- Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down.
- Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up.
- Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.
- Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone.
- If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody.
- Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”
Take a moment to ask God to show you one thing to work on in your relationships. Will you trust Him to help you grow in this area?
What has God put on your heart today?
Tis the Season for Military Moves
Moving is one of the top five stressors in life: death, divorce, moving, major illness, and job loss. For military folks, moving is a fact of life. Any woman associated with the military is all too familiar with this catchy little phrase,...
Three Kinds of Friends You Don’t Want to Do Without
Friendship is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Each relationship is a one of a kind–there are no two exactly alike. Friendship comes in all shapes and sizes, each one as unique as the people who build the relationship. You may have...
5 Things You Shouldn’t Say if You Want to be Humble
[tweetthis]”If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect.” ~ Ted Turner[/tweetthis] In honor of meeting lots of new writer friends, I wanted to share one of my favorite fun posts. At the end of this post you will find links to...
Are You Well-Dressed For Friendship?
I’m excited to share that this post has been selected as a featured post at Grace and Truth.
Little girls love to dress up. When my daughter was four, a pink tutu was her favorite outfit for everything–dancing in ballet class, playing in the yard, or running errands with mom. And what better outfit to wear to a play date with friends?
Dressing for the occasion isn’t quite so simple anymore. Don’t you hate those moments when you stand at your closet door, debating what to wear? You put on one outfit and it doesn’t feel right for the moment…too dressy. Another is too casual. Wouldn’t it be great just to get out the pink tutu?
We might be too grown up to wear a pink tutu, but we never outgrow the joy of friendship. [tweetthis]It doesn’t matter whether a girl is 4 or 40, friendship is an important part of life.[/tweetthis]
Say yes to the dress,
here is what good friends wear:
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, PUT ON a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.–Colossians 3:12-15
[tweetthis]Godly character traits will never go out of style and they are always the right attire for every relationship.[/tweetthis] These qualities will enhance every relationship and they are God’s gifts. As we live in the fulness of our identity in Christ, the insecurity of our souls settles into the confidence that we are chosen, holy, and beloved by God. Getting dressed in the Spirit’s qualities comes down to choosing to rely on what God has given us–His ability to be compassionate, kind, humble, and gentle…
We can give because we’ve received.
We can love because we’ve been loved.
We can forgive because we’ve been forgiven.
When we put on the qualities of the Spirit, we are free to enjoy our friendships with open hearts. [tweetthis]Confident and loved in Christ, we don’t need to draw love and acceptance from others. [/tweetthis]Choosing to put on humility, we don’t have to be the center of attention or prove ourselves to others.
Receiving the fullness of God’s Spirit, our needs for love, acceptance, worth, security, and value are met. If we remember this truth, we are free to relate to friends without any ulterior motive of getting our needs met.
When we are fully dressed for friendship, we can focus on giving to others and trust God to meet our needs. tweetthis]Make a simple choice to put on God’s qualities as you get dressed each day.[/tweetthis] Let the practical action of putting on your clothes remind you to prayerfully put on the Spirit. Just as you wouldn’t go to work without your shoes, you should never leave the house without the love of God.
Wearing the qualities of Christ, you will be well-dressed for every occasion!
Other qualities in this passage that build strong friendships:
Humility
Gentleness
Patience
Love
Unity
Peace
Is there an attribute of the Spirit that is missing from your relational wardrobe?
Simple and Do-Able Ways to Beat Selfishness Today
What does the Bible say about selfishness? Selfishness impacts our relationships with others. Selflessness is the antonym of selfishness that helps us to think of others. Overcome the signs of selfishness with practical tips to be a better person.
What does the Bible say about Selfishness?
Selfishness can be an uncomfortable topic, right? We want to think we are better than the pettiness of selfish actions and attitudes. “I’m not selfish!”–this is my first defensive response. What I’m really feeling is “I don’t want to be that person, the one who is selfish.”
Yesterday I realized things I was upset about really came down to…being too caught up in my own interests. Busted! Catching myself being selfish, I spent time reflecting on what the Bible says about selfishness.
Philippians 2:1-8 features a helpful passage to overcome selfishness.
This passage can inspire us to build the holy habit of caring for others.There is a striking contrast in the progression of verses in this passage. It’s kind of Humble sandwich:
Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Nothing?
Do nothing from selfish motives or self-conceit. Nothing? Oh, this is hard! Self-focus is the natural default setting of our sin nature. If we could see a print out of our motivations over the last week, we’d be shocked at how pervasive selfishness is in our thinking.
When we look at the entire passage, we learn more about what the Bible says about selfishness by the contrast of the example the selflessness of Jesus.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:1-8).
These challenging words on selfishness are sandwiched between a description of how the body of Christ should be acting and how Christ showed true humility. Selflessness is the antonym of selfishness, but it can be hard to put others first. Loving encouragement, compassion, and Spirit-led affection are the result of looking out for one another.
Selfishness harms relationships but selflessness makes us a better person and a better friend. Share on X
Caring about the interests of others and sharing their concerns creates unity and bonds of friendship.
The humility of Christ is a stark contrast to the self-focus that lurks in our hearts. He emptied Himself of divine glory and did not insist that He be treated according to His right. Sacrificing Himself for our benefit is the extreme act of looking out for the interests of others. Love grows when we let go of our own interests and we care for others.
Another passage to overcome selfishness is Romans 12:10-16.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. -Romans 12:10-16 NASB
I think of this passage as a course in anti-selfishness, powerful ways of practicing the needed art of selflessness. Giving preference to others, honoring and caring for the people around us is both good for our soul and for our relationships!
10 Do-Able Ways Overcome Selfishness:
- Pay attention to what others are excited about.
- Be a cheerleader. See the best in others, especially when they can’t.
- Follow through with commitments to others.
- Be thankful for the people God places in your life. Gratitude chases selfishness away.
- Be intentional. Don’t let busyness crowd out the needs of others.
- Share the load and lend a helping hand.
- Give the grace-gift of belonging and welcome new friends. Be inclusive rather than exclusive in relationships.
- Make a habit of giving thoughtful gifts and notes of encouragement.
- Don’t compare or compete. Celebrate the victories of others rather than be envious.
- Accept others as they are; nobody is perfect…including you.
When we practice putting others first and caring for their concerns, we will build deeper relationships. We will also grow deeper spiritually as we overcome the tendency of our flesh to make everything about us. Is this challenging? Yes! But when ask for the help of the Holy Spirit and we work on these do-able practices, we will reap the blessing of personal, relational, and spiritual growth!
Which one of these tips do you most need to practice today?
Become your best self with more practical truths and tips for godly living!
Check out my book, Holy in the Moment, for simple ways to grow deeper in your relationship with God, spiritual practices, emotions and thoughts, attitudes, relationships with others, and work. Get the book here or check out my free chapter, discussion guide, printable graphics, and bookmark on my book page.
Want to incorporate other practical and holy habits in your life?
Request to join the Holy in the Moment Community group on Facebook. Each week we practice intentional choices in a variety of topics that deepen our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. We are an engaged community of readers and cheerleaders for practicing the power of holy choices in our everyday lives.
This is an update of a post that originally appeared on Five Minutes for Faith in 2013. This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. When you use my link to buy my book, I receive a small commission that helps to pay for the cost of this site.
The Simple Truth About Going to the Deep With Jesus
“And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men.” When they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him.”–Luke 5:10b-11 As Jesus reveals His deity to the fishermen their...
It’s Simply Not About the Fish or the Work
Recently we’ve been filling our nets with wisdom from the story of Jesus calling Simon found in Luke 5:1-11. This post follows Simple Encouragement When Work Fails and Courage to Simply Try Again When Work Fails.
This story is about far more than the work.
And it’s not just about the fish. Not really.
“He said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” Simon answered and said, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.” When they had done this, they enclosed a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to break; so they signaled to their partners in the other boat for them to come and help them. And they came and filled both of the boats, so that they began to sink.“–Luke 5:4-7
Blessings to share.
[tweetthis]When Jesus does deep work in our lives, the blessing overflows into the lives of other people. [/tweetthis]Very rarely is it just about us. Christ has been directing this entire encounter, which fills the boats of Simon and his partners.
So many times I have read this familiar story, focusing on the work and the fish. I have often approached this story from the perspective of God’s provision and ability.
It’s easy to get enamored with the big catch. I’ve done that. I’ve asked God to enter my boat and I’ve trusted Him for results with work that seems fruitless. When I’ve come up with nothing, I’ve asked for Him to fill my nets. And I squint into the sun, scanning the empty horizon for the fish to come.
More than Fish
The fish are a big part of the story, just as prayers we pray, work we do, and dreams we dream are a big part of our story.
[tweetthis]It’s easy to leave it at the big catch, longing for the big win, the big answer.[/tweetthis]
But there’s more to it than that. So very much more.
Jesus enters into our needs and frustrations. He involves Himself in our daily work, he meets our needs and empowers our victories. However, when Jesus takes us into the deeps, it is not just about the fish.
Better Than Answers
When Jesus speaks the power of His word into our need, it is not just about the answer. The catch itself wasn’t nearly as important as what it showed these fishermen about Jesus.
“But when Simon Peter saw that, he fell down at Jesus’ feet, saying, “Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For amazement had seized him and all his companions because of the catch of fish which they had taken; and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon.”--Luke 5:8-10a
Jesus gives these humble men a revelation of his power and ability through doing something extraordinary in the middle of their ordinary. Right in the middle of the struggle.
Face to face with Christ, Simon experiences a more powerful understanding of who Christ is. The big catch makes it clear that they are standing in the presence of God.
- When we’ve been to the deeps with Jesus, we learn more of who he is.
- We also become more aware of our sin.
- The deeper, revealed truths of God help us to see the hidden needs in ourselves.
- They expand our faith, convict our sin, and humble our hearts.
So it’s not really about just the fish or the work, is it?
Reading this morning, I came across this post by Kellie Balarie of Purposeful Faith. If you are fighting discouragement today, be blessed with encouragement by her words in “Time to Give Up.”
What speaks to your heart most in this post today?