Kelsey Chadwick wrote her entire book about trusting God through doubt in five days. It was at the publisher when she died. Her mother, Lesa Watson, shares the story behind Where Else Could I Go? — and the hope that is still speaking.
Kelsey Chadwick did. She was a follower of Jesus, a lover of his Word, a wife and mother and writer and researcher — a woman who had walked with God her entire life. And then came a year of medical uncertainty, a cancer diagnosis with no clear treatment, and nine months of waiting that brought her face to face with doubt she hadn’t expected.
She didn’t run from it. She wrestled with her faith by bringing her questions to the source of her hope.
What came out of that year was a book: Where Else Could I Go? Embracing God When You’re Doubting Everything. Kelsey wrote the entire manuscript in five days during a surprise anniversary retreat her husband arranged so she could have uninterrupted space to write. It was at the publisher when she passed away unexpectedly in August, at thirty-five years old.
Her mother, Lesa Watson, joined us on the Habits of Hope podcast for her very first interview to share Kelsey’s story, her own journey through grief, and the hope that has held their entire family since.
This post is an invitation to meet both of them.
The Story Behind the Book
Kelsey first noticed something was wrong during a family vacation in Florida. She was putting on lotion after a day in the sun when she felt a growth on her neck. She knew immediately that something wasn’t right, but she said nothing. She kept it to herself for the rest of that week to protect the time her family had together.
What followed was nine months of indeterminate biopsies, specialist visits at the University of Kentucky Research Center, and a waiting game that offered no clear answers. Eventually her thyroid was removed. That’s when testing revealed what the biopsies couldn’t: a rare, essentially untreatable form of cancer. Even after the surgery there were still questions, more testing, more uncertainty.
That journey of trusting God with her doubt started nine months before Kelsey’s passing and was still ongoing when she died from a completely separate cause. She died suddenly of an abdominal aortic aneurysm, while presenting at a work conference far from home.
Her last recorded words, spoken to the medical team around her before she lost consciousness for the final time: “Jesus loves you too.”
She had already told them, when she first came to, that Jesus loved her. Her last words were a gift to the strangers in the room.
The book she left behind carries that same spirit.
How Doubt Became a Doorway to Deeper Faith
Lesa described her daughter as someone who had always been a student of the Word, a researcher and thinker who, when the questions came, went straight to the source.
“She found her answers, her strength, her trust,” Lesa said. “Her beliefs were even strengthened more through that journey of doubt.”
She returned again and again to John 15:5, the simple grounding truth that apart from Christ, we can do nothing. Not as a rebuke, but as a relief. She couldn’t understand God’s purposes. She couldn’t manufacture peace. But she could know that she was not meant to do any of it alone.
Her husband, sensing she needed time and space to write without distraction, arranged a five-day anniversary retreat. He packed her bags, booked a hotel suite with a dedicated writing area, and told her almost nothing until they were leaving. In those five days, the entire book poured out of her.
After she passed, her husband found something else on her phone: voice memos. Audio recordings of Kelsey talking through her emotions, describing what God was showing her in scripture, working out her faith out loud in real time. Those recordings were never meant to be heard by anyone else. They are, as Lesa said, such a gift and a blessing — her daughter’s voice, still speaking.
The Hope She Left Behind
Lesa shared that Where Else Could I Go? is a handbook for Christian living, not just a book about doubt but a guide for anyone trying to hold on to faith when the answers won’t come easily.
In reading the book, what strikes me most is Kelsey’s voice. It is honest without being raw, tender without being fragile. She writes the way someone writes when they have genuinely worked something out, not performed peace, but found it, imperfectly, on the way. The prose is clear and the faith is real, and you feel both of those things from the first page.
Here is some of what you’ll find inside:
“Don’t give up. Don’t stop seeking. Don’t quit asking. God wants to answer your questions in his way and in his time. But the first step is to agree with him that he is God and we are not.” — Page 34
“Rest assured, God knows your doubts. You don’t have to ignore them, set them aside, or pretend they don’t exist. But you do have to bring them to the only one who truly has the answers if you want to have lasting peace. The act of simply giving your questions over to the Lord says to him, ‘I trust you over what I can feel or experience on my own,’ and that is faith he can work with. That is where the road home begins.” — Page 50
“Christ is the author and finisher of a faith that hinged on his own crucifixion to bring about a better plan for you and for me. He knows all about creating beauty from ashes, transforming unimaginable suffering into eternal redemption. Settle on the fact that he alone, both completely devoted to our welfare and totally in control of our circumstances, is the answer to every question that feels so unfair.” — Page 82
“You cannot defeat doubt without the Word. God has given us the gift of himself within the pages of this book. It’s alive. It changes us. We cannot leave it closed and claim he is not speaking.” — Page 94
“We must make every effort to cling to what we believe, even when the flesh begs us to do otherwise. How will we know which way to go? How will we be sure what to believe? Only by remaining connected to the Spirit, who can bring clarity to each and every question in our hearts if we earnestly seek him.” — Page 108
“Like Peter, we ask, ‘Where else could I go?’ If you have truly experienced the Messiah, you know there is only one answer. Like the disciples then, we are disciples now, and we know who has the words of eternal life. We can embrace God even when we are doubting everything. We can trust him to always lead us back home.” — Page 172
How a Mother Holds Grief and Hope at the Same Time
Grief is not a problem Lesa has solved. She was clear about that.
“I live every day with the loss of her,” she said. “Which is very difficult.”
But she also carries something that shapes the way she grieves. Her husband leads an Experiencing God Bible study at their church, and one of its central premises has become a cornerstone for their family: the kingdom of God is eternal, and it begins not at death but the moment you say yes to Christ.
“We grieve,” Lesa said, “as the Bible says, with a hope that the world doesn’t understand.”
She has also leaned on something she built long before the hard days arrived: years of studying the character of God. In the early days of grief, sometimes she would open her Bible and the words just wouldn’t sink in. But she knew who God was. She knew he was faithful, sovereign, holy, good, merciful, full of grace, full of justice. That knowledge held her when specific verses couldn’t reach her.
Romans 8:28 and Psalm 31:14 are verses that deeply comfort Lesa. “My times are in your hands,” and other verses are written out and posted in her home where she will see them in the ordinary moments of every day.
She wants the same for anyone reading this: not a formula, but a foundation. Not easy answers, but a God who is genuinely trustworthy and the deep-rooted knowledge of who he is before the hard season arrives.
A Habit of Hope to Carry This Week
One of the most practical things Lesa shared was her practice of studying the character of God, something she developed long before losing Kelsey and held on to after.
Not a verse to memorize under pressure. Not a prayer in crisis. Just a steady, ordinary habit of returning to who he is.
This week’s Habit of Hope: Spend five minutes writing down three attributes of God’s character. Not a prayer request, not a passage you’re trying to remember, just who he is. Put it somewhere you’ll see it. Let the knowledge of his character be what holds you before the hard day arrives.
Kelsey Wrote This for You
Kelsey wrote this book in the middle of her own unanswered questions. She didn’t wait until she had it all figured out. She brought what she had, her doubt, her faith, her Word, her pen, and she wrote toward the light.
The result is a book that will meet you honestly wherever you are.
Where Else Could I Go? Embracing God When You’re Doubting Everything is available wherever books are sold. [Link to purchase.]
If this story moved you, share it with someone who is carrying quiet questions of their own.
A woman who spent her last year wrestling with doubt used her last breath to tell strangers that Jesus loved them. That is not the faith of someone who lost. That is the faith of someone who had questions and found exactly what she was looking for. She left the map behind for the rest of us.
Her name was Kelsey.
And her hope is still speaking.
Listen to the full conversation with Lesa Watson on the Habits of Hope podcast, Episode 80. [Link to episode.]
A Summer Announcement
As I listened to Kelsey’s story, I was reminded once again that life is rarely simple. In a single season, we may find ourselves carrying grief and gratitude, sorrow and joy, loss and blessing.
One of the gifts of faith is learning to trust God with all of it—the hard places and the beautiful ones, the prayers we still carry and the blessings we hold in our hands today.
With that in mind, I wanted to share a brief personal update.
Habits of Hope will be taking a short summer break.
We’ve already welcomed one precious grandbaby into our family this week, and another is expected soon. I’ll be spending the next several weeks supporting my daughters and soaking up this special season as Gigi.
Thank you for being part of the Habits of Hope community. While we’re away, I hope you’ll explore the podcast archive, revisit a favorite episode, or catch up on one you’ve missed. At the end of this post you’ll find related content and a list of favorite content from my archives to enjoy.
I’ll stay in touch through email from time to time and look forward to reconnecting with you later this summer.
Until then, may God renew your strength and fill your heart with hope.
Related Content
- Finding Strength in God When You Feel Weak (Isaiah 40:29-31)
- How to Find Hope After Trauma | Jennifer Hand on Faith, Healing, and Survival Mode
- How the Holy Spirit Comforts You in Hard Times (What the Bible Says)
- How to Find God’s Peace that Guards Your Heart (A Study of Philippians 4:7)
- Overcome Doubt with the Decision to Turn to God for Hope (Podcast Episode 4)
Reader/Listener Favorites
- Podcast: How to Ignite Hope by Noticing God’s Faithfulness Every Day
- Podcast: What We’re Doing in Our Quiet Time Right Now: Daily Devotion Tips
- Making Big Decisions with Faith: How to Seek God’s Guidance Daily
- How to Love Others Like Jesus: Actionable Steps for Everyday Life
- How to Hear God’s Voice: Simple Habits to Deepen Your Faith and Restore Your Hope
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