Feeling pressure to create a picture-perfect Christmas? Discover how to release expectations, choose presence over perfection, and find true joy in Christ.
Christmas has a way of quietly stirring expectations—often without our awareness.
Have you ever hit December and felt like you were already behind?
Christmas music is playing, lights are twinkling, and yet something inside of you feels out of sync—maybe even heavy. I’ve had years where, instead of joy, I felt pressure. Instead of anticipation, there was anxiety quietly humming in the background. And I found myself thinking, Isn’t Christmas supposed to feel different?
As we talked on the podcast, one of the most surprising things about Christmas is this:
“How easily expectations can creep in. You don’t plan them, but suddenly you realize you’re holding a whole list you never meant to write.”
Most of us don’t intend to pile on pressure. We want the season to feel meaningful and peaceful, filled with family, festivity and traditions. But life doesn’t always cooperate just because the calendar says December. And when our reality doesn’t match the picture in our minds, the disappointment can land hard.
Letting go of a picture-perfect Christmas begins with recognizing the expectations we’re carrying and how they’re shaping our experience of the season.
When joy is tied to things going a certain way, it becomes fragile. But when joy is rooted in Christ, it becomes steady—able to meet us right in the middle of real life.
In Episode 63 of the Habits of Hope Podcast, Larissa and I talk honestly about how to navigate the season when Christmas feels different—and why that difference doesn’t disqualify us from joy.
We name the pressure, the disappointment, and the longing—and we gently return to the heart of the Christmas story, where joy was announced not to perfect lives, but to weary, ordinary people living real stories.
What We’ll Explore in This Post
- Why Christmas expectations form so quietly and carry so much weight
- How the pressure for a picture-perfect Christmas steals joy
- Why Christmas can feel different through grief, loss, conflict, and change
- How comparison and cultural images intensify disappointment
- What the Christmas story reveals about joy for real, imperfect lives
- Why joy grows through presence, not perfection
- How to choose presence over perfection when the season looks different
Why Do Christmas Expectations Carry So Much Weight?
One of the biggest stressors of Christmas is expectations.
They come from many places—culture, family, and often us—shaping how we think Christmas should look, feel, and move our hearts.
Recently I’ve been going through old photos—pictures from my own childhood and from when my kids were growing up. There were a lot of Christmas pictures mixed in, and it was meaningful to look back on those moments.
Those photos remind us of what we want Christmas to be. Happy families. Meaningful traditions. Warm emotions. Peace and harmony. We want Christmas to feel beautiful—not just visually, but emotionally.
And yet, real life often brings something very different.
- Schedules don’t line up
- Budgets feel tight
- Some loved ones are no longer with us
- Grief shows up
- Illness interrupts plans
- Houses feel quieter than expected
- Longing, emotional exhaustion, or the weight of feeling stretched thin
That space—the gap between what we hope for or long for and what we’re living right now—often shows up as disappointment. Sometimes it feels like stress. Sometimes it feels like overwhelm.
And that’s where expectations start to feel heavy.
Looking back at those photos also reminded me of how much pressure I sometimes put on myself as a mom. I wanted Christmas to be perfect for my kids—the presents, the experiences, the traditions.
There were years when the calendar was completely packed: It felt like rushing from one thing to the next, trying to keep everything together—winging it and hoping I didn’t drop the ball.
Whether those expectations came from outside us or from inside our own hearts, they created pressure. Pressure to make Christmas meaningful. Pressure to make everyone happy.
Pressure to keep things the way they used to be and recreate something beautiful—even when life was already demanding a lot.
When life interrupts with new seasons or hard things, those expectations don’t disappear—they collide with reality. That’s why Christmas disappointment can feel so heavy.
We’re not just facing changed plans; we’re grieving the loss of what we hoped the season would hold.
Naming unspoken expectations matters—because when they go unchecked, they quietly crowd out joy instead of leading us toward it.
When Christmas Feels Different Than You Expected
For many people, Christmas feels different not because something is wrong—but because life has changed.
The ups and downs of life add deep layers to the Christmas season. Wins and losses, transitions and ongoing challenges don’t pause just because it’s December. And when Christmas looks different from what we hoped or expected, that difference can be hard to carry.
There are many reasons Christmas may feel different this year:
- Someone is missing
- The kids are with the in-laws
- You’ve moved and everything feels unfamiliar
- Finances are tight, grief is fresh, or illness has interrupted plans
- Or the season simply feels lonelier than expected
And then there’s a layer we don’t always talk about enough—family conflict.
Strained relationships and tense gatherings can feel especially painful during a season filled with images of smiling, effortless, picture-perfect families. Seeing others post joyful moments can sting deeply when your own family feels fractured or complicated.
Christmas has a way of amplifying both what we long for and what we feel we’ve lost.
Larissa shared how December carries a different kind of ache after losing Bill. The sweetness of what was is still there—but so is the empty space. For those who have loved deeply and lost deeply, Christmas carries added weight.
I shared from my own life as well. As a military family, we’ve often experienced Christmas after major moves—arriving in unfamiliar places, missing previous homes and friendships. One year, when we moved to Okinawa, our youngest was heartbroken at the thought of Christmas without a tree. That Christmas was very different—but it also became sweet in its own way.
Sometimes difference shows up in quieter ways: navigating a more silent house when kids are grown, switching traditions because of illness, or facing unexpected budget challenges during the holidays.
All these changes carry emotional weight.
Many people are carrying more at Christmas than they ever say out loud.
Different doesn’t mean Christmas is ruined.
Different doesn’t mean joy is off-limits.
It simply means life is unfolding.
And it matters to say this clearly:
If Christmas feels different for you this year, you are not broken. Your story isn’t wrong. And your feelings don’t disqualify you from the joy of Jesus.
What Does the Christmas Story Teach Us About Joy for Real People?
At the heart of this conversation is a simple but powerful reminder: the Christmas story itself was never picture-perfect.
The words recorded in Luke 2:10–11 weren’t spoken into calm, ideal circumstances. Jesus entered a world marked by political tension, poverty, uncertainty, and fear. The people of Israel were living under Roman occupation, longing for rescue. Daily life was heavy with injustice and hardship.
The first Christmas wasn’t wrapped in sparkle and ease.
It was wrapped in tension, exhaustion, and longing.
And right into that reality, God spoke these words:
“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.” (Luke 2:10–11)
God did not wait for perfect conditions to announce joy.
Joy stepped into a weary world. A Savior arrived for people who were tired, strained, and stretched—much like we often are today.
And that tells us something important: God doesn’t reserve joy for people whose lives look put together.
Joy comes to the overwhelmed mom.
Joy comes to the military family far from home.
Joy comes to those living through disappointment, conflict, grief, or loneliness.
Christmas joy is for all people—because we all need a Savior.
When we think about Pinterest-perfect homes and curated holiday moments, it helps to remember where Jesus was born—not into comfort, but into simplicity, inconvenience, and humility. His parents were far from home, navigating circumstances that were anything but easy.
Maybe that’s intentional.
Maybe God wanted us to know this:
He meets us right in the middle of imperfect, unpredictable lives.
Jesus didn’t come for perfect stories.
He came for real ones.
That’s why joy doesn’t rise because everything is going right.
Joy rises because Christ has come.
This is the kind of joy that holds steady through change, loss, pressure, and longing—the kind that doesn’t require staging, only presence. God’s presence.
And that’s the beautiful hope of Christmas:
We don’t have to create a perfect season to experience true joy.
What Does It Look Like to Choose Presence Over Perfection?
With all the pressure, disappointment, changes, and longing that can surface at Christmas, it often comes down to one simple shift: choosing presence over perfection.
That invitation starts with an honest question:
What does it look like to be present right now instead of trying to make everything perfect?
Not present in the picture-perfect version of Christmas we imagined—but present in the real moment God has placed us in.
Here are some of the ways presence showed up in our conversation.
Choose One Meaningful Thing Instead of Everything
Sometimes presence means choosing one meaningful thing instead of ten.
Rather than trying to recreate every tradition from years past, presence asks what truly brings joy this year. Doing less can create space for deeper joy.
Loosen Your Grip on Expectations
Presence also looks like loosening your grip on expectations—both your own and everyone else’s.
When we release the pressure for Christmas to look a certain way, we’re able to enjoy the moments that are in front of us.
Expectations tighten our grip. Presence opens our hands.
Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
Choosing presence doesn’t mean ignoring hard emotions.
If the season stirs grief, loneliness, or disappointment, presence means honoring those emotions instead of assuming something is wrong.
Joy doesn’t require pretending everything is fine.
Build in a Pause to Be with God
For many of us, presence begins by creating intentional pauses.
That might be Scripture and prayer, a quiet cup of coffee, or a few still moments by the Christmas tree or a candle—space to breathe and refocus on Christ.
Sometimes presence is simply praying:
“Lord, show me what matters right now.”
Practice Presence Through the Christmas Worship Challenge
One simple way to practice presence this season is through daily worship.
I’ve created a Christmas Worship Challenge—one email with a linked list of short daily devotions to help you pause and be present with Christ throughout December. Each day includes Scripture and a Christmas song, offering a gentle invitation to worship instead of rush.
This isn’t about adding another task—it’s about creating space.
Trust God Instead of Trying to Fix Everything
Presence also shows up in relationships.
It may mean extending grace, releasing the need to fix everything, and trusting that God is working in places you can’t see.
Presence is often choosing trust over control.
Choose Simple Connection
Presence doesn’t have to be complicated.
If you have capacity, it may look like saying yes to an invitation or inviting someone into what you’re already doing. Even simple connection can ease isolation during the holidays.
Remembering Where Joy Grows
Presence is where peace settles and being fully present is where joy grows.
God meets us not in the ideal version of Christmas, but in the real one.
When we choose presence over perfection, we open ourselves to the unexpected ways God wants to bless us—in quieter moments, new rhythms, and imperfect stories. His presence becomes the anchor.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my Christmas looks very different this year?
Christmas often looks different because life changes—through loss, transitions, illness, family dynamics, or unexpected circumstances. A different Christmas doesn’t mean a diminished one. According to the Christmas story, joy meets us in real life, not ideal conditions.
Why do unmet Christmas expectations hurt so much?
Because expectations are often tied to hope. When plans shift or traditions change, we aren’t just disappointed—we’re grieving what we hoped the season would hold. That ache is real and deeply human.
Does feeling grief, loneliness, or tension mean I’m missing the joy of Christmas?
No. Disappointment does not disqualify you from joy. Scripture reminds us that the good news of great joy was announced to people living weary, complicated lives. Joy and sorrow can exist together.
How can I experience joy without forcing myself to feel cheerful?
Joy doesn’t require pretending everything is fine. It grows through presence—being honest with God, honoring what you’re carrying, and allowing Christ to meet you right where you are.
Encouragement for Your Heart When Christmas Looks Different
If your Christmas looks different this year—quieter, lonelier, busier, more emotional, or simply more complicated—please hear this clearly:
Nothing about your story takes God by surprise.
Nothing about your story places you outside His love.
And nothing about your story disqualifies you from the joy of the season.
- Some years Christmas is loud and full.
- Some years it’s simple and quiet.
- Some years you’re surrounded by people.
- Some years you’re adjusting to a new normal.
Different doesn’t make Christmas less. It simply reflects the reality that life is changing.
And the beautiful truth of the Christmas story is this: God has always shown up in places and seasons that looked different than what people hoped.
Jesus came into tension, uncertainty, and longing—not perfection. He meets us in the middle of real moments, not staged ones.
So give yourself permission to breathe.
To slow down.
To loosen your grip on expectations.
Let presence—not perfection—shape this season.
Christmas may look different, but Christ is still your constant.
And where He is, there is hope.
📥 Download the Christmas Worship Challenge to help you build daily pauses of worship and presence throughout December.
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