Explore ways to find comfort for your feelings of grief or loss during the holidays. This episode of Habits of Hope offers compassionate insights and practical steps to balance grief at Christmas, proving it’s okay to grieve and celebrate at the same time. Enjoy this update of one of the most-read posts in the past ten years on my website. This update includes podcast and video on this content.
How to grieve and celebrate Christmas. That’s a tough one, isn’t it? The picture-perfect moments of Christmas trick us into feeling there is no place for grieving in the happy. When you’re filled up with grief, the blare of holiday cheer scraps the tender skin of your heart. The juxtaposition of merry and bright slams into the ache of loss. We process from hurting to healing one step at a time as we bring our pain to God, especially at Christmas.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort...
2 Corinthians 1:3
The lure of the Christmas season has been built layer upon layer with tradition and fantasy until is nearly breaking with the weight of our expectation. In our heads we carry the picture perfect holiday. Visions of laughter and joy sparkle like glittery ornaments on our tree.
With rose-colored glasses we sometimes visualize perfect family times as if we live in the midst of a Christmas card photo.
When you don’t feel like celebrating.
When you’re filled up with grief, the blare of holiday cheer scraps the tender skin of your heart. The juxtaposition of merry and bright slams into the ache of loss.
Is there a place for mourning in the merry making that has become synonymous with Christmas?
Grief and hardship do not take a break for Christmas. Surrounded by those who we think have no problems, picture-perfect moments trick us into feeling there is no place for grieving in the happy.
The year my father died…
In 2005 my dad died on December 5 after a battle with leukemia and a host of other issues. I remember dreading that Christmas as we traveled to a funeral. Can we be truly grateful for the birth of Christ in the face of the death of a loved one or the loss of a dream?
How do we grieve and celebrate, mourn and dance at the same time?
My children were young, not understanding the reality of death and excited for Christmas. I felt ill prepared to be the parent that Christmas. My Christmas shopping was half done and the decorations were in boxes. Christmas cards sat in a stack on the table waiting for me to have the strength to wish others a merry Christmas and at the same time inform them of my father’s death.
In the midst of family issues and relational differences, we came together and celebrated the value of an extraordinary man’s life. In the beauty of life and the pain grief, the worth and meaning of his life resounded strong.
Life is like that. Reality and family are like that. And Christmas is sometimes like that. It is real and it is good, even in the hard. Truth overcomes as help for our greatest need is born in a stable.
Especially in the hard and the grieving, God is with us; He is Emmanuel.
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:10-11
In the face of grief there is joy, in the midst of darkness there is light for God has given us a Savior. On hillsides cold and dark with our loss, angels sing because Christ has come.
Taken by surprise.
The Christmas my Dad died took me by surprise. Secretly, I had been holding by breath, dreading the holiday in the shadow of loss. Yet, in our grief and in the broken road traveled, the surface of expectation was torn aside.
The gifts God unwrapped in me where the treasures of appreciation and acceptance as I cherished reality rather than expectation.
That Christmas, grief cut through the old habits. We hugged a little tighter, loved a little freer, and gazed a little longer in appreciation of one another, despite all the hard things. Laughter and tears, joy and heartache mingled as God gave comfort through the true appreciation of the gift of love.
For me, as mother and daughter, wife and sister, I experienced a deeper and different celebration. Gone was the glitz, and I found myself treasuring the gift of salvation and love of family above the festivity of tradition.
In our grief, God gave us more, not less.
We received strength to hold it all in our hearts–grief and joy, love and loss, shimmering with the holiness of grace.
My friend, if you are weary and worn with the burden of loss… If the thought of one more step is too much…reach out for God’s hand. Open your heart before Him, for He is strong enough to handle every bit of our grief. God wants to exchange our pain for joy in His timing. It is okay to go through the process of grief, even in the midst of the joy of celebration.
What if we release our expectations and simply live fully in the moment. Accept the imperfect and cherish the real? Making the most of the good and the least of the hard?
Be tender with yourself and with others, asking God to give you the grace you need for each moment. [tweetthis]We process from hurting to healing one step at a time as we bring our pain to God.[/tweetthis]
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:3-4
Thanks for reading to the end. I’m sorry about the length of this post, but somethings you simply cannot say in 500 words. Some stories cannot be told in a paragraph, and some truths need more space.
To the one who is grieving this Christmas, may you be blessed with the comfort of God’s presence this Christmas.
Podcast Show Notes
This popular post is the inspiration for our podcast episode: Finding Comfort and Hope this Christmas: Coping with Grief During the Holidays.
Is grief shadowing your holiday spirit? Explore ways to honor your feelings of loss while still engaging in the holiday cheer. This episode of Habits of Hope offers compassionate insights and practical steps to balance mourning and merrymaking, proving it’s okay to grieve and celebrate at the same time.
Takeaways:
Acknowledging Grief in Festivity: Recognizing the challenge of coping with grief during joyful occasions such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, where festive atmospheres can highlight feelings of loss.
Embrace Discomfort: It’s important to acknowledge and embrace the discomfort that comes with grieving during festive times, rather than trying to suppress or ignore these feelings.
God’s Comfort: Highlighting the comfort provided by God, as described in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, which emphasizes God’s role in comforting us so that we may comfort others in their troubles.
Sharing and Community Support: Sharing experiences and seeking community support can be crucial in navigating personal grief, providing comfort, and understanding to others experiencing similar challenges.
Practical Advice for Grieving During Holidays:
- Acknowledging Grief: Recognize grief as a part of the holiday experience.
- Communicating Needs: Communicate emotional states to family and friends to manage expectations.
- Creating New Traditions: Consider starting new traditions to honor lost loved ones while making new memories.
- Seeking Professional Help: If grief becomes overwhelming, seeking help from counselors or support groups is advised.
- Personal Reflection and Self-Care: Take personal time for reflection and engage in activities that bring joy or relaxation.
Role of Faith and Scripture: Faith and specific scriptures can offer solace and perspective in times of loss, providing spiritual comfort and grounding.
Impact of Music and Devotionals: Music, particularly reflective or sacred Christmas music, and devotionals can connect individuals to the deeper meanings of the holiday season, offering therapeutic benefits.
Handling Anniversaries and Significant Dates: Managing anniversaries of loss during the holidays, including planning ahead for emotional triggers.
The Importance of Self-Care: Emphasizing the need for practices like ensuring adequate rest and engaging in enjoyable activities to manage the emotional toll of grief.
Community and Isolation: Staying connected with others who understand and share the grief experience is encouraged, as isolation can exacerbate feelings of loss.
Disclaimer: Habits of Hope Podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice—spiritual, medical, legal, or otherwise.
Hope for Your Heart this Christmas
Enjoy a beautiful a free Christmas devotional to spark hope in your life this Christmas. This is my Christmas gift for you. Get it here or click the button below to download your copy today.
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Read the story of a Christmas miracle I experienced in the first chapter of my award-winning book, Holy in the Moment. You’ll read a poignant story from one challenging Christmas in my life at the end of the first chapter. Read the story of what happened here. Give the gift of holy this Christmas–Holy in the Moment makes a wonderful gift to encourage faith in a practical way. Learn more about the book here.
So glad you're here. I help busy women—gals like you— build healthy habits for living well with biblical wisdom and practical steps to deepen your faith, increase your hope, and thrive in your purpose.
Thank you Ginger. I have felt God’s presence so near as I walk the path of grieving my Mom. And I have truly felt the prayers of my friends this season as they cover me with prayers for comfort and healing.
Sweet friend, my heart has been with you. Writing to you brought forth this post in my heart, something I had never written about. May God continue to comfort you as we begin this new year.
Thank you for this. I have also experienced the dread of Christmas after my Dad died. I also recently experienced the loss of miscarriage but I have truly felt God’s comfort and peace during this difficult time. Somehow going through hard times makes you appreciate the good times all the more. I am still looking forward to Christmas this year and thankful for the nearness of Christ during hard times. Linking up with you at #sittingamongfriends 🙂
I agree that difficulty changes our perspective in so many ways. Death and miscarriages are painful losses in deep ways. My prayers for your strength and comfort are with you. I’m grateful you have received a comforting word through this post today.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of encouragement at Sitting Among Friends. The loss of family members at this time of year is hard for so many and you have really encouraged them to turn to Christ in the midst of heartache. So very precious.
I believe we have to encourage one another whenever we possibly can. I’m grateful these words can lift up others who are grieving. Thanks for joining me today!
Thanks for tackling the hard stuff sis!! Holidays are so different for me since my late husband, Bill, died. The perspective you share is so encouraging – “In the face of grief there is joy, in the midst of darkness there is light for God has given us a Savior. Amen!