In this episode of the Habits of Hope podcast, I sat down with Monica Schmelter for a conversation that so many parents, grandparents, and loved ones need.
Monica is the host of the TV show Bridges (aired weekly on Christian Television Network in over 50 million homes, and streaming on Roku), and she also hosts the Hope for the Journeypodcast—which recently made a top 10 list for Christian women’s podcasts.
This topic is personal for Monica. She’s walked the road of loving a prodigal, asking hard questions, and learning what it looks like to keep trusting God while you wait.
Why is hope for the prodigal so personal to you?
Monica Schmelter:
Yes—like you said, I’m no stranger to that journey. My son is a prodigal, and we’ve had other prodigals in the family. So there’s been a lot of tears and a lot of prayer—and all the questions. Did I do something wrong? Did I not pray hard enough?
As moms, we’re looking at all the things. So it’s been a heartfelt journey. And it’s been one that I’ve learned so much about faith and prayer—that while I’m waiting, and regardless of how dark it might seem, to trust that God is always working.
What has helped when you’ve second-guessed yourself as a parent?
Monica Schmelter:
The enemy is not all-powerful, but he is relentless at tormenting us if we don’t have habits of hope. We really have to discipline our minds and our hearts to not linger in those kinds of places.
For me, one of the things the enemy—and my own flesh, because I allowed it—would bring back were times from the past when our son was growing up.
Even though I was a Christian and I loved Jesus and loved our son so much, I really struggled with anger and rage, and I would do a lot of yelling and screaming.
I didn’t yell or scream at our son, but he heard that, and I felt that the mistakes I had made had wounded him and damaged him. And the enemy would bring that time and time again, and I would think, Gosh, if I could take that back, I would.
Finally, I came to a place of being really honest with God:
Okay, I absolutely messed up in that area. And I poured that out before God. And I went to our son and I said, If you would forgive me, I realized that I set some bad examples. And I gave some specific things that I said.
He did tell me that he loved me and offered me that forgiveness.
I wrote down the date that I talked to God about that and the date that our son forgave me. Whenever those thoughts would come back, I would go back to those dates and I would say, We’ve taken care of this.
Trusting God with my mistakes:
I’ve learned that He’s more than enough to make up for my deficiencies, because no mom is perfect.
We all have moments.
I call mine “Monica meltdown moments.”
The enemy can bring those back to torment us.
I reminded myself that He makes up for those deficiencies. And I have the power of prayer on my side.
Rather than being all down in the mouth about real things that happened, I could commit myself to prayer.
That’s something practical and productive and spiritual—pray for your child and pray for God’s kindness to lead them to repentance.
What does it look like for you to pray for your prodigal?
Monica Schmelter:
One of my favorites is in the book of Peter where it’s God’s heart—where He says He’s not slack concerning His promises, because we look at it and it’s like, God, I’m waiting.
In God’s timetable, He’s not slack or slow in keeping His promises—He’s patient. He’s long-suffering because He wants none to perish.
Sometimes I would say things as simple as:
God, I’m just agreeing with You. You say that You wish that none would perish—and God, I pray that.
I want my son to come to faith in Christ. I want that love and commitment that used to be there to return—to be that fire shut up in his bones.
I also stand on the scripture that says we can be confident. . .
that if what we’re asking is His will, we can be confident that He hears us, and if He hears us, then He answers.
A mom of a prodigal—or anybody that’s praying for a prodigal—we can be confident that them coming to Christ or coming back to Christ is absolutely God’s will.
- I steep myself in those kinds of verses.
- I’m praying what God says.
- I’m agreeing with what God says.
- And it may take a long time for me to see that answered.
- It might not be answered in my lifetime.
But I do believe He’s faithful to His word and that He’s going to answer.
Praying Scripture and believing God’s promises helps combat discouragement and impatience in times of waiting.
What if I don’t know what to say when I pray—or I’m out of words?
Monica Schmelter:
People can get hung up on: What should I say when I pray? What does this look like? And you’re exactly right—sometimes it’s heavy-duty warfare prayer. Sometimes it’s bringing God into remembrance of His word—finding a verse and putting your child’s name in there and saying that prayer.
And there are times when, in my journey, I just don’t have any words and I just cry. And I know that He hears my heart because I’m out of words and I’m out of tears.
It’s our honesty before God and our faith in Him above and beyond what we’re going through.
The story of Monica’s prayer box
Monica Schmelter:
I came to Christ at 13. After hearing my pastor talk about praying for your family and they could be saved, I started writing my prayers. I put them in a Charlie perfume box.
There are literally hundreds and hundreds of names in here. At that time, my dad was an atheist, my mom didn’t know exactly what she believed, and my grandfather—my mom’s dad—was a Muslim.
I didn’t know how or what to pray. But you can see in my little girl teenage handwriting—I wrote some days in purple, some days in red, some days in green. I drew flowers, all those crazy things.
I want to encourage moms to not give up on prayer:
God brought every one of those people to Christ—every single one.
It took 25 years for my parents.
I don’t want it to take 25 years for anybody, but I will say this—regardless of how long it takes, it’s worth it.
It doesn’t have to look beautiful. You don’t have to be a Bible teacher or recite scripture perfectly.
The box is all torn up now. This little box is my most treasured possession, because it’s my heart.
That’s what prayer is. It’s sharing our heart with God and trusting Him in the wonderful things, the things we don’t understand, and the things where it seems like it’s taking forever.
How has God ministered to your heart in the middle of a hard season?
Monica Schmelter:
I can recall one very specific instance. Our son at that time was very far from the Lord, making decisions that concerned me.
I was at work. I went into the studio and I sat in a metal folding chair—and I remember the chair was really cold. It was cold in the studio. I bowed my head to pray.
And in that still small voice in my heart, I heard the Holy Spirit say, I see you.
That held me. It was like—okay, this has been forever, but God sees me. I needed to know that at that moment.
I think we all know that conceptually, but there are times life seems so hard and so bad that we need that reminder—that He sees us, and He hasn’t abandoned us on this journey. He’s with us.
I had that knowing that He was with me, and He was going to work somehow, some way—work all of that out.
How do you balance loving your prodigal with boundaries—especially with addiction or destructive behavior?
Monica Schmelter:
It has to be very painful when a prodigal is completely estranged from the family. If that’s the case and the child doesn’t want contact, we pray.
However, if that’s not the case—we can always love our children. Loving them and talking to them and enjoying their company is important.
We don’t have to make that contingent on their behavior. I’m not talking about letting your kids do something illegal in your house.
- You can be totally loving
- Go out and enjoy meals.
- Have them over.
- We can model the love of Christ.
We don’t have to make everything a sermon to them. If God opens the door, go through that door. But if not—love them right where they are, model that example of Christ loving us where we are.
Realize that even God respects our free will. There’s nothing we can do to make our prodigal’s heart change—only God can do that.
But we can do everything possible to build and sustain a good relationship so that when they do come to Christ, they can see how you love them unconditionally and you still kept that contact and celebrated their victories.
And I would say—every victory your prodigal has, every wonderful thing—celebrate that. Don’t always come back to what you know: They need to come back to the Lord. They do—but celebrate the good, and don’t lose all of that, because God’s working on the part that we can’t change.
The ache of dealing with addiction.
And I’m so glad you brought up addiction and tough love, because that is the case with a lot of parents of prodigals.
There are things you absolutely cannot allow in your home. There are boundaries you have to set.
- You cannot continue to give money.
- You cannot continue to do those things when there are substances, reckless behavior, that sort of thing.
- Pray for God to give you the grace to let go—but not give up.
- You can still continue on in prayer, but you’ve got to totally give that prodigal to the Lord.
Do not feel guilty for setting boundaries.
You have to—for your own good, for their good, for other family members’ good.
That’s painful. And I would encourage everybody—if you have a friend who is the mom or dad of a prodigal and they’ve had to set boundaries, don’t judge them. Don’t tell them all the things they need to do. It’s hard enough already.
If they ask for advice, by all means share your wisdom. Otherwise, pray—and just listen without judgment. If we’ve not walked that road, we don’t know.
Giving each other grace matters.
If I haven’t been down that road, I want to keep my heart open. This mom, this dad is suffering. They’ve had to make hard decisions—decisions that probably break their heart.
I don’t want to cause any more angst. I can just pray and be a friend.
What would you say to someone who feels like it’s too late—or they’ve failed?
Monica Schmelter:
As long as there’s breath and life, there’s hope. It’s never too late.
We’ve all made mistakes. Some are bigger mistakes than others. But He is more than enough to make up for our deficiencies.
It’s not like once we made those mistakes, God thought, Well, my plan of salvation for that one is totally gone and out the door. It’s not like that.
If we can recognize that those thoughts are not coming from God—they’re coming from the enemy and from our own flesh and fears—the things we know and remember.
If there’s something we need to repent about, by all means do that. But once we’ve done that, live in the joy of the Lord and the joy of your salvation—expectantly waiting, like the prodigal father did, watching for his son from a long ways away.
The story of the prodigal son…
- We don’t know a lot about that father, but we know he had to be concerned because he’s watching for the child’s return.
- We know he continued whatever his work and business was—because he still had food and servants. Life was continuing, and yet he was waiting.
- Those sound like two opposite messages, but they’re not. Life continues and we wait—and that happens together.
Never ever ever ever say it’s too late, because it’s not.
Nobody is too far gone.
The Bible says His arm is not short and His ear is not deaf.
I have a good friend who always says, God has more than a trillion ways to deliver your children.
If you’re in the waiting today—praying for someone you love, carrying questions, and trying to keep showing up—this conversation is a reminder that you’re not alone. And it’s a reminder that prayer doesn’t have to be perfect to be real.
If this episode encouraged you, I hope you’ll listen to the full conversation—and consider sharing it with someone who may need hope for the waiting too.
So glad you're here. I help busy women—gals like you— build healthy habits for living well with biblical wisdom and practical steps to deepen your faith, increase your hope, and thrive in your purpose.
